Ten Reasons we Have Toxic Conflicts

So far I have posted three times on this topic and it has received a good bit of interaction for which I am thankful. Most of the comments come on Face Book. My last post focused on the fact that many people in the church suffer from deep emotional, relational and spiritual wounds that lead them to be reactive to people, events and ideas that are similar to the things that initially wounded them.

Many years ago a researcher by the name of Dr. Penfield wanted to better understand how our memories worked. He opened up the skulls of several patients and gave very, very slight electrical charges to different parts of the brain. Each time he stimulated one of the patent's brains, a memory was brought back. Interestingly enough, that patient upon remembering had similar or same memories and feelings as he/she did originally.

What does that mean? One important implication is that our current memory bank contains locked in it almost every event that has ever occurred in our life. Not only that, but the feelings that accompanied the event is also lying in wait of something in real time to awaken it.

Now fast forward to the present church where Pastor Johnson is readying his sermon for Sunday morning. During his preparation the Pastor decides to come down very hard on sexual sin and shouts that such people will not inherit the Kingdom of God. In the church that morning is Gina Thompson, a young mother of three who has been struggling with low grade depression and burn out.

Gina has never told anyone that she had been dating a man who practically raped her while at college. Afterward, thinking she was a ruined woman, Gina had sex often with her boy friends and got pregnant and had an abortion. She had carried a terrible weight of guilt, shame and condemnation ever since. The scars of her terrible experience were deep and well hidden until Pastor Johnson's exposition that day. As soon as he began to share Gina became extremely uncomfortable and agitated. Memories of her sad experiences are forced to the surface and are mixed with guilt, shame and anger.

What should she do?

1. Go see a Christian Counselor who could bring healing to those deep heart wounds;
2. Go see Pastor Johnson and confess her sins;
3. Tell her unsuspecting husband of her past behavior;
4. Accuse Pastor Johnson of being a cruel legalistic hater for his harsh sermons;
5. Push her guilt and shame farther down and hope it goes away;
6. Drop out of church and never go back;
7. Add a couple of glasses of wine to her nightly regimen of ice cream and cake;
8. Withdraw from any more sexual relations with her husband;
9. Get more angry, depressed and difficult to deal with;
10. Any combination of the above options.

Unless churches become a "safe place" for people such as Gina Thompson, they will never be able to be free from the past trauma. So much current toxic anger actually arises from pain of the past that has never been healed. Jesus came to heal the body, the soul and the spirit. Gina Thompson's soul was deeply wounded as a young woman and desperately needs the church to be a place of healing. Otherwise, how will she ever be able to be a healthy parent, healthy wife and healthy Christian?

We can easily see the current symptoms of earlier trauma. Gina may be depressed, angry, sexually frigid, overeating, etc. And, these will continue and even worsen unless God's people actually follow in the healing ministry of Jesus. Jesus commanded His followers to "Do everything He did" but I do not see many churches actually helping people with wounded souls.

And, until seminaries start training new Ministers how to "Care and Cure the Souls" their flocks will go on carrying the pain of past assaults with little relief. No wonder so many Christians give up and try Yoga, meditation and secular psychology.

I challenge all of your Christians who want to help others to learn how to share God's truth, love and power with mercy, grace and the fruit of the Spirit so people like Gina Thompson can be set free from those past traumas.

Fear of Depressed Folks?

Why are so many people afraid of people with depression and anxiety? Why do folks get so upset when you suggest that they might benefit from counseling? I think I know some of their reasoning. The Mental Health marketing geniuses have scared people with their insistence that every mental, emotional, relational and behavioral problem is a true MENTAL ILLNESS!

I have been leading a team of researchers looking into the ways church and community groups can better provide support and practical assistance to the parents of kids with a disability. While chatting with one hard working, deeply involved, stressed out mom I asked, "Have you ever considered going to a Counselor?"

My question so shocked this exhausted mother that she looked at me in horror and said, "A Counselor? No! I am not mentally ill!"

I quickly said, "Oh, I am so sorry. I am not suggesting that you are mentally ill. By counseling I meant that you might benefit from someone on the outside of your life who has a more objective look at what is going on with you and helping coach you about better ways to help your daughter."

She was instantly relieved and said, "Now that sounds good. I could use some insight and wisdom from an outside expert."

The Mental Health Mental Illness Industry has mandated that all people like me who have been licensed to counsel must use the "Mental Illness Paradigm". I refuse. This mom is NOT mentally ill! She is worn out, stressed and and worried about her child. She needs rest, some practical assistance and the ability to put her worries on the shelf. However, if the Mental Illness lobby has it's way we will all have to fall in line behind their use of the sickness terms and label her as a hopeless victim.

The term Mental Illness leaves us with the notion that the Patient needs long term radical treatment by a Physician that can prescribe drugs. I recently received a newsletter that shows how many kids are being abused by over prescription of medicines. In it, Barry Duncan reports that way too many kids are being drugged in the name of "Treating their Mental Illness". I am astounded by the following statistics.

A study of 11,700 children under age 18 covered by Medicaid found that the number of children newly treated with anti-psychotics increased from 1,482 in 2001 to 3,110 in 2005 (Mathak, West, Martin, Helm, & Henderson, 2010). In other words, a staggering 26% of kids in this sample were taking anti-psychotics.

Another study found that children covered by Medicaid were prescribed anti -psychotics at a rate four times higher than children with private insurance, and were more likely to receive anti-psychotics for unapproved uses (Crystal, Olfson, Huang, & Gerard, 2010), or in other words, for reasons of control, not treatment.

A study of foster care children found that 57% received three or more drugs (Zito et al., 2008), six times the national average in spite of the fact that no research supports more than one drug for kids.

Finally, the use of anti-psychotics with privately insured children, aged 2 through 5, has doubled between 1999 and 2007 (Ofson, Crystal, Huang, & Gerhard, 2010). About 1.5% of all privately insured children between the ages of 2 and 5, or one in 70, received some type of psychiatric drug in 2007 despite the fact that there is little to no evidence in this age group. (I received this via a Personal Communication from Dr. Duncan)

It is sometimes necessary and good to use medications for emotional issues. However, far too often they are over prescribed and over abused. Good, caring, interpersonal counseling is the best cure for most problems. If you know someone who is depressed, anxious and upset, be a good friend and listen to them, pray for them and encourage them.