Monday, February 14, 2011
More on Couple Conflicts
I am in a good number of discussions about divorce and dysfunctional families in America. Everybody is a critic but so very few are producing any ways to slow down the pain and panic that leads to divorce.
What about the Pastors and leaders who deride couples for giving up on their marriages but do little or nothing to prepare young couples for the stresses and strains that come with "Til death do we part." I get pretty frustrated with those who have an opportunity to prepare couples but do not do it.
I saw a famous marriage and family teacher on TV the other night. The commentator asked him to name the main cause of divorce and he was predictable but wrong. In fact, most clergy are wrong when they offer insights about divorce prevention. Most of them say it is a "Lack of commitment". I disagree.
Dr. John Gottman, a Psychologist and researcher about all things marriage wise, has studied marriages and divorce for decades. He says it is not wobbly commitment but an inability to understand and resolve DIFFERENCES. And their are some big differences between men and women.
"She says tomato and I say tomahto".
Couples who figure out how to deal with differences and enjoy each other stay married. Period.