You Can Make a Difference

"When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them and
healed their sick." - Matthew 14:14

Heinrich Himmler was the head of the Nazi SS and the mastermind of the Holocaust. During those blood-filled days between 1940 and 1945, the second most powerful man in Germany sent millions of Jews to their deaths. Himmler suffered from intolerable psychosomatic pains and the only person who could relieve these pains was a Doctor Felix Kersten, a Finn, who was a massage therapist.

During Himmler’s massage sessions, he would tell Dr. Kersten about the concentration camps. In 1942, Kersten intervened with Himmler to save Finish, Norwegian, and Dutch Jews. After moving to Stockholm in 1943, he continued to work on rescue and relief, securing freedom for several thousand more Dutch, Danish, Norwegian, Polish, and French Jews.

In the closing days of the war, Kersten acted for Himmler in negotiating freedom for Jews with the Swedes and the Allies in Stockholm; he was instrumental in arranging a meeting in Germany on April 19, 1945 between Himmler and Norbert Masur, a Zionist German living in Sweden. One result of the meeting was the freeing of 7,000 women from Ravensbruk to a haven in Denmark and Sweden. The World Jewish Council credits him with saving 60,000 of Jews from the concentration camps.

How to be a Fruit Inspector at Church

I think it is ironic to see so many men's groups focus on "Accountability". Have you noticed that there are no women's groups that talk about ACCOUNTABILITY? Why?

There is something in the male DNA that longs to come across as macho. "I don't need your stinking kindness, kick me and knock me down a few times and I will get better." The joke in Singapore was, "The caning will continue until morale increases."

The Bible tells us to "Confess your sins to one another and pray for one another so you will be healed" James 5: 16. So, we need "Confession Groups" and "Prayer Groups" and "Healing Groups" but do we need "Accountability Groups"? That smacks of criticism and parenting rather than receiving a confession and praying for God's forgiveness and healing.

I have been working with Clergy for many years. I have often asked them about confession to a wife, colleague or friend and I hear the same thing. "Confession? How do you do that? I confess to God but not to men. That is not necessary."

Then why did the Holy Spirit place that statement in the Bible?

The Holy Spirit inspects our fruit to see what needs to be changed. I am not the one who convicts others of sin and guilt. I am not the Holy Spirit. Just as a doctor does not "deliver a baby" but simply "catches her" as she is thrust from the womb, we can receive the confession and take the guilt to God for cleansing.

I don't believe that the term Accountability" is a great word to describe what God has in mind.

Rearing Special Needs Kids

For several months we have been interviewing parents with special needs children about the stresses,strains and pressures of life. They are legion.

That is not surprising. As a father and grand father I know first hand how stressful it is to mom and dad to have the emotional, educational and spiritual responsibility to rear, clothe and feed any kid regardless of their special needs. When a child is born with a serious disability the stresses are multiplied many times over.

That is not surprising but this fact may be. Many of these parents are innovative, creative and resilient to the place where our research team calls them "Heroes!" They are heroic not because it is good thing to do but because they are the best experts their kids have.

Yes, there are fine Doctors, Psychologists, Educators and Physical Therapists but they are usually isolated from the children. Mom, Dad and Siblings as well as family members and friends must come up with practical solutions.

Want to know another secret??? The professionals do not know about the solutions or the problems families face. "Why?" you ask. They ask the parents and do not See the parents as important to the tasks performed by the pros.

We call our project, "It takes a whole village" because rearing a special needs child or caring for a special needs adult requires everybody to pitch in. When I taught school I had special needs kids in my classes. I ignorantly did not even think about the difficulty faced by Mom and Dad. Now I think about it a lot.


Jim Donovan, of Donovan Research, and the Director for our project says, "These families have arrived at solutions to many of the problems they face. However, they are often alone and the solutions have not been well distributed." Sweeten Life Systems is trying to not only discover problems and solutions but discover ways to broadcast those solutions to other families.

One more point. When parents face the fact that their child has special needs they often become increasingly interested in church, religion and spirituality. However, few churches are ready for such a challenge. This leaves the parents isolated and longing for a church that can minister to them.

Pray with us about our next steps in the project "It takes a whole village"(R).

See the web for more information. www.sweetenlife.com

Giving to Katrina Victims

Here is a good link to an article in the Philanthropy Chronicle. It shows that foundations and private companies donated over one billion dollars to the people and organizations after Katrina. It is an illustration of how generous Americans are to help people out.

I am sure the unreported money donated in services, gifts and private assistance would be even more than that given officially. Tens of thousands of men, women and young people have spent days and weeks on the Gulf Coast working with people to fix their homes, volunteer at schools and soup kitchens and do a million other helpful things for people. And, most were Christians.

Bust loads of Believers from all over the USA have trooped down to the Gulf to help in any way they can. PTL!! for kindness.

Empathy versus Enabling

Drug and alcohol addictions are rampant and seemingly growing in America and the rest of the world. One bad way to try to help an addict is to feel sorry for them and bail them out when they get into trouble.

Several years ago during the time I was still doing Clinical Counseling I was called by a Pastor who asked me to contact a family whose thirty year old son was a chronic addict. The parents had spent all their money and even mortgaged their family home to chronically bail the kid out of trouble.

My discussion with her unfolded why the parents were broke and the son was still addicted.

Mother: Dr. Sweeten, what can I do? My son is in jail and they are insisting that he go to a treatment center.
Gary: How many times has this happened?
Mother: Many times.
Gary: What have you done before?
Mother: We have paid his fine and got him an apartment.
Gary: Did it work to help him change his behavior?
Mother: Well, his life has been difficult. His ex wife left him and took the kids. So, he started doing drugs again.
Gary: So, it did not work to stop him from drinking and doping again.
Mother: The poor boy hasn't had a chance.
Gary: So, you feel sorry for him?
Mother: I feel so badly when he is in trouble.
Gary: Mrs. Johnson, you had better stop feeling so sorry for you son unless you kill him. What you are doing is called "Enabling or Co-Dependence". In order for a person to be an addict there must be an enabler.
Mother: (Crying) But I can't be so cruel and let him stay in jail with all those criminals. I love him too much.
Gary: What you are doing the Bible calls hate not love. It will eventually kill him unless you stop. You and your husband need to attend Al Anon, a group for families with an addicted relative. Al Anon teaches relatives how to understand their loved ones but stop enabling them. Mrs. Johnson, you need treatment more than your son. Call me after you go to Al Anon.

Gary Sweeten

Understanding Empathy

A good part of my doctoral dissertation focused on getting to the bottom of what is most powerful to bring about healing and growth in people seeking assistance. As a Counselor I called these folks, CLIENTS. However, in the world of change it is anyone seeking assistance to alter a behavior.

One of the most important aspects of healthy Helping is EMPATHY. Mr. Obama said he was looking for a judge who would be "Empathetic" with the poor and downtrodden. What did he mean?

Possibility 1. Empathy means to feel the pain of the poor. It means to identify with their plight and act to relieve it with favorable rulings.

Possibility 2. Empathy means to understand the poor and accurately describe it in a way that they know they are understood.

What think you? Did Obama want Ms. Sotomayor to actually "Feel the pain of the poor and try to relieve it with special rulings in their favor" or "Accurately understand their plight but apply the law with justice?

Gary Sweeten

The Village Research Project

I have not written much about the new research project we are launching. I call it, "It takes a whole village" project because we are trying to find out exactly how to best support and empower parents of Special Needs Children. The African Proverb, "It takes a village to raise a child" was used by Senator Hillary Clinton as the title for her book on education and health care a few years ago.

I agreed with Mrs. Clinton then and now. It is important to remember that the family system, neighborhood and community are all important in giving a child what she needs to be a healthy, contributing member of society. Our values are caught not just taught.

When a child comes into the world with a disability of some sort, the parents and extended family members are put into situations of stress that are greater than the normal stresses of parenting. There are many services, support systems and opportunities for Special Needs kids but almost nothing for the parents.

Our research will look at what exists now and what the parents in our study think would be helpful to them as they rear their child. We shall, at the end, develop ideas about ways we and local churches can more effectively come around these families and help them find peace, refreshment and better ways to lead their families.

If you have suggestions, write me.

Gary Sweeten
gary@sweetenlife.com

Go to Panera for Fellowship

Panera Bread is a great place to meet and have fellowship around the fireplace as we drink some tea or coffee and eat a roll, there is comfort and peace. I think we Christians all learn from Panera how to be a welcoming community.

People need to feel safe if they are to allow themselves to become open to God, self and others. Do strangers feel safe in your church fellowship?

Start a Love Revolution

Have you ever looked at your church or denomination and wondered why people are so nasty and unloving? I have.

Have you ever wondered how you can start to be a change agent for faith, hope and love? I have.

I know the power of love and caring to heal human hearts and open the eyes of the blind to see Jesus. I write, teach and preach on ways to impact the world. But, we need simple, practical ways to touch people.

Here is an answer. Subscribe to Steve Sjogren's emagazine and learn how to start a revolution.

Correction and Update

I received a nice note from an old friend. He asked me to clarify my last post about the power of ordinary people. Let me assure you that I am not attacking clinical counseling and clinical counselors. Rather, I am promoting the need for many more churches to train non-professionals to better care for hurting people. I am thankful for the opportunity to clarify the issue.

I am not suggesting that Christians need to avoid counseling by professional psychologists, psychiatrists, social workers and counselors. To the contrary, I was a Licensed Counselor for many years before I retired. I founded a Christian in-patient hospital unit for adults and one for adolescents. We still operate Life Way Counseling Centers with professional therapists who do a great job.

Professionals are necessary and they fill a critical need in the community. The problems I see are several.

1. Some people insist that only professionals can be helpful to those in distress. That is untrue. Laity can be trained to care and counsel effectively.
2. Some counselors try to train laity but they focus wrongly on making them "little professional counselors" with lots of information and theories that professionals need but lay folks do not.
3. Some churches resist training or referring to lay care givers. This is a mistake. Every Pastor needs to know how to refer members to AA and Al Anon.

Your church can be a great healing community if you train your people to care. This will enhance the spiritual, emotional and relational health of the entire church. It will make your people better care givers and provide alternative ways for them to get counseling.

Give and It Shall Be Given Unto You

Recent research sponsored by the AARP on the value and commonality of volunteer service among Seasoned Citizens, especially Boomers, indicates some interesting results.

The research found that:
1. Fifty-five percent of Americans in the 44 to 79 age group believe they will leave the world in worse condition than they inherited it, while only 20 percent believe they are leaving the world in better condition. Those most actively engaged in volunteering feel less pessimistic.

2. Fifty-two percent of older Americans said their desire to “help people in need” was a very important motivational factor in their volunteering. Forty-eight percent said the desire to “stay healthy and active” was a primary motivator.

3. The rate of volunteering is highest among those who attend religious services regularly (86 percent); college graduates (85 percent); professionals (84 percent); those with annual incomes over $75,000 (83 percent); and evangelical Christians (80 percent).

4. Eighty-three percent of Republicans said they volunteered for an organization in the last year, while only 67 percent of Democrats said the same. Sixty-nine of those who identified as independents said they volunteered in the past year.

5. Baby Boomers, those born from 1946 to 1964, were most likely to increase their volunteer hours, according to the survey.

Those who volunteer live longer, stronger and more joyful lives!

Great relationships

The data are in and the results are no surprise. People are looking for great relationships in this life.

Despite the widespread disillusionment with organized religion people are flocking to people and events that promise a better "spiritual relationship". Who doesn't want and need a better relationship with God?

Divorces are happening all around us, even to people who teach and preach about the "Sanctity of marriage". How can that be and why do so many remarry almost immediately? People want a great relationship with their family.

It isn't just marriages that are failing, so are companies. We spend more time with work colleagues than we do with our spouse and kids. The stresses and strains of work and the pressures of being so different in style, personality and preferences brings on an enormous amount of conflict and loss of effectiveness at work.

The Sweeten Life Systems' tag line is "A Lifetime of Great Relationships!" Our crew is dedicated to personal growth in our relational skills so we have the ability to help you grow in your relationship with God, family, friends, co-workers and yourself. And, we know how great relationships work or conversely, do not work. It is not rocket science.