We Can Win 25 Grand

With your help, Sweeten Life Systems can win $25,000.00 plus other great prizes. We need your help to win. We have kicked off a new aspect of our ministry that falls squarely within our mission of "Building a lifetime of great relationships"(R)

We received a generous grant to do an in depth research study on the concerns, stresses, insights and conflicts of families with Special Needs kids. The research interviews are completed as is our grant so we need more money to carry out the Action Steps.

We have entered a great contest sponsored by Cincinnati Innovates. One of the ways they judge an entry is by "Fan Voting". Will you be our fan? You can go to their web and vote daily for us. So, please log in and vote for our entry tight now as well as tomorrow and Tuesday, and Wednesday, etc.

After you log into Cincinnati Innovates, look for Special Life Skills and read all about our project. Then, vote YES for Sweeten Life-Special Life Skills!

Book Now On the Web

I am publishing many of our writings on the web. E Books are easier to distribute, cheaper to develop and available to a much wider audience. I currently have several papers and two books available on the Sweeten Life ministry web site.

The first book we published online was Healing Souls, Touching Hearts. It is a summary of some of our most personal and passionate beliefs about ministry, caring, counseling and healing. Steve Griebling and I wrote it while we were teaching regularly in Singapore on the importance of Cell Groups. In many ways it is the slogan for all the major ministries we have founded and directed.

The second book by Steve and myself, Hope and Change for Humpty Dumpty, is designed for those who are called to be Peer or Para Professional Helpers. It is, in fact, very powerful for even Professional Therapists because so few get really great practical training in Graduate school. In this book you will find and integration of counseling research and Bible truths like you have never seen before. If you are involved in trying to help people make good decisions, read Hope and Change for Humpty Dumpty.

These are easy to download and it is easy to donate to Sweeten Life Systems, if you are so inclined. We hope that http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=8208149333766966737 people all over the world will use these books. They are great tools that God has developed for us. Now we can more easily spread the good news of Jesus Christ and His abundant life through the Internet.

Go to the web page and then to Resources and take a look.Download a book and some other materials such as the check lists we wrote for anxiety, depression and marriage satifaction. We also provide a paper that help Pastors and Peer Helpers know when to refer to a Professional.

Families With Disabled Kids Struggle

An interesting article in the Science Daily online magazine reveal what research is showing about the stresses on families with Special Needs Kids.

We know that it takes about $1,000,000.00 extra to rear a disabled child to age 18. Can you imagine that? Some Federal Government groups are promising money and support but getting through the frightening bureaucracy is daunting if not impossible.

If you want to know more about our ministry to special needs families writ me at gary@sweetenlife.com

Disability and Government Budgets

The Wall Street Journal has an interesting article how the high costs of caring for the seriously disabled are clashing with the budget crises of most states and the Federal Government. The Journal notes that it is easier to cut money that have been budgeted for home care than to cut money budgeted for institutional care. The WSJ does not take sides in the debate but concludes that it is much more expensive to care for the disabled at home than it is to place them in an institution.

Some of the comments by readers disagreed with the WSJ on that point,arguing that many people receive care from each employee and only one receives care per employee at home. That needs to be examined very closely by people who understand these issues well.

We at Sweeten Life Systems are completing the first year of a research study on how to best support families with severely disabled children. The results have been very insightful and somewhat surprising to us. Many of the most pressing issues focus on the needs of parents to receive very practical support. Things like:

House work
Ironing
Painting
Lawn care
Transport to the Doctor, grocery shopping, etc.
Food preparation
Respite care
Spiritual support

Now we need to find churches, schools and individuals willing to volunteer to help these families with those practical and important areas. Are you willing to help? Does your church already have a program of support for shut ins, the elderly, etc?

You Can Make a Difference

"When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them and
healed their sick." - Matthew 14:14

Heinrich Himmler was the head of the Nazi SS and the mastermind of the Holocaust. During those blood-filled days between 1940 and 1945, the second most powerful man in Germany sent millions of Jews to their deaths. Himmler suffered from intolerable psychosomatic pains and the only person who could relieve these pains was a Doctor Felix Kersten, a Finn, who was a massage therapist.

During Himmler’s massage sessions, he would tell Dr. Kersten about the concentration camps. In 1942, Kersten intervened with Himmler to save Finish, Norwegian, and Dutch Jews. After moving to Stockholm in 1943, he continued to work on rescue and relief, securing freedom for several thousand more Dutch, Danish, Norwegian, Polish, and French Jews.

In the closing days of the war, Kersten acted for Himmler in negotiating freedom for Jews with the Swedes and the Allies in Stockholm; he was instrumental in arranging a meeting in Germany on April 19, 1945 between Himmler and Norbert Masur, a Zionist German living in Sweden. One result of the meeting was the freeing of 7,000 women from Ravensbruk to a haven in Denmark and Sweden. The World Jewish Council credits him with saving 60,000 of Jews from the concentration camps.

Gary Sweeten Day in Cincinnati

 

This is a photo of the proclamation by Cincinnati Mayor Mark Mallory making October 2 Gary Sweeten Day in Cincinnati. It was a great blessing and honor to have EMI go to all the trouble to have the Mayor make the proclamation.

The Mayor also made Sunday, October 3 College Hill Presbyterian Church Day in Cincinnati for founding EMI and its predecessor, the Teleios Center, and supporting EMI's national and international ministries for thirty years.

THANKS

Without a doubt the EMI team led by Saddel Bradley along with Dave and Pam Ping put on a reunion and ceremony honoring myself and the pioneers who established EMI back in the days we served at College Hill Presbyterian Church.

The last post shows some of the photos from the event at the Marriott Hotel. I wish I could show you more and I will try to get additional shots from Friday night and from Sunday services at CHPC. Karen and I each said that the quality and quantity of EMI's ministry around the world have progressed dramatically since I retired. They have taken it much farther than I could have.

So, I want to thank the EMI team publicly.

I have often taught about the importance of following the biblical admonition to "Honor our fathers and mothers so we will live long on the earth." EMI did that with spades Friday and Sunday. May the blessings of God be yours for many generations.

Reflection on Ministry

As I reflect on the last thirty years of ministry I am struck with how much Christian leaders and ordinary lay people are begging for practical Life Skills and how few seminaries train Ministers in their use. The research from all kinds of Helping Professions, including Ministry, indicates that the core of facilitating the growth and change of others lies in our ability to listen to, respect and care for people.

I recently read that only 13% of change in therapy comes from pills, psychological interventions, teaching and therapist theories. All the rest comes from caring relationships with family, friends, and the Helper. So, whether you are a Teacher, Psychiatrist, Pastor or Hair Dresser, learn to listen to your clients and your family members.

Love covers a multitude of sins.

Rearing Special Needs Kids

For several months we have been interviewing parents with special needs children about the stresses,strains and pressures of life. They are legion.

That is not surprising. As a father and grand father I know first hand how stressful it is to mom and dad to have the emotional, educational and spiritual responsibility to rear, clothe and feed any kid regardless of their special needs. When a child is born with a serious disability the stresses are multiplied many times over.

That is not surprising but this fact may be. Many of these parents are innovative, creative and resilient to the place where our research team calls them "Heroes!" They are heroic not because it is good thing to do but because they are the best experts their kids have.

Yes, there are fine Doctors, Psychologists, Educators and Physical Therapists but they are usually isolated from the children. Mom, Dad and Siblings as well as family members and friends must come up with practical solutions.

Want to know another secret??? The professionals do not know about the solutions or the problems families face. "Why?" you ask. They ask the parents and do not See the parents as important to the tasks performed by the pros.

We call our project, "It takes a whole village" because rearing a special needs child or caring for a special needs adult requires everybody to pitch in. When I taught school I had special needs kids in my classes. I ignorantly did not even think about the difficulty faced by Mom and Dad. Now I think about it a lot.


Jim Donovan, of Donovan Research, and the Director for our project says, "These families have arrived at solutions to many of the problems they face. However, they are often alone and the solutions have not been well distributed." Sweeten Life Systems is trying to not only discover problems and solutions but discover ways to broadcast those solutions to other families.

One more point. When parents face the fact that their child has special needs they often become increasingly interested in church, religion and spirituality. However, few churches are ready for such a challenge. This leaves the parents isolated and longing for a church that can minister to them.

Pray with us about our next steps in the project "It takes a whole village"(R).

See the web for more information. www.sweetenlife.com

How Can Christians Reach Our Neighbors?

For years we have heard about a lot of fancy and complicated ways to win people to Christ. The Four Spiritual Laws are famous as is the phrase used by Dr. James Kennedy to share with Seniors in his Florida community. "If you died tonight what would you say to God to get into heaven?"

The following story is a very interesting approach to witnessing. And, the real work is done from home. PRAYER! Prayer? Yep, prayer.

How is that done? Read this article.

TYPICALLY GOD: Prayer creates openness for gospel

The pastor of a Christian church in Phoenix, Arizona, asked the members of
his church to randomly choose 80 people from the telephone book. He then
asked them to pray for each of the 80 names every day for 90 days. At the
same time, he asked them to choose another 80 names from the telephone book
who were simply laid aside, and nobody prayed for the people. After 90 days, church members called all 160 people and asked them whether they would allow Christians to visit them to pray for them.

"The amazing result," says Alvin Vander Griend, was this: only one person on the list of people who did not receive prayer was prepared to allow Christians to visit, whereas 69 of the 80 people for whom the church members prayed were open to allow Christians to visit. 45 even invited them into their house, offered coffee and named special prayer requests. Prayer was clearly the decisive factor causing these people to open their houses for personal prayer," he says.

Source: Mission America, www.lighthousemovement.com

Why not try it? God might show up.

Missional Churches

Are you missional? Is your church missional? Do you know what being missional really means? I can't give a great meaning of missional but here is my understanding.

When I went to Africa in 1983 to attend a large conference for "Leaders of Leaders" I was able to see first hand the power of Revival. European Missionaries had gone to Africa and preached the good news and God answered their prayers and blessed their efforts. For sixty or so years there was great, Holy Spirit Revival in the East African Nations.

Over fifty million people came to know Christ as Savior. So many came to faith that buildings would not hold them and there were not nearly enough Pastors to teach them God's word and God's ways. Congregations met under trees and called people to worship with drums. I preached there and was truly blessed. they begged me to return and train leaders.

After spending two weeks in Kenya I returned to England where I stayed in a college house with students at Oxford. The church buildings were large, impressive and largely dead. I went from a lively, thriving and dynamic church to a church museum. The people who took the gospel to African had left a shell back home.

Several English Missionaries came back to England to retire and saw the same thing I saw. They immediately recognized that the churches in England needed to gear up to reach the English home front just as they had reached the English Commonwealth decades earlier. They began to speak and write about the need for church leaders to reach out with a missionary zeal to the unsaved at home. They needed to become, MISSIONAL.

This is also true of the churches in America. Reaching out to men and women, boys and girls with the good news is essential to our spiritual, mental and emotional health as well as the eternal life of Americans.

More people come to faith in Christ from the children and youth groups than from outside the church. We must not fail to preach to those in the membership and in our neighborhoods.

Race, Religion and Redemption

The term for salvation in Greek is sozo and it is used to denote many things having to do with God's power to bring His people into wholeness. For example, it is used to focus on coming to Christ as our Savior when we are born again. I was reared in a society that asked people, "When were you saved?" and we did not mean when were you pulled from a raging river but when were you saved from the Devil?

It can also be used to indicate healing. We know that being a Christian and attending church services regularly can lead to a healthier and longer life. This is especially true for African Americans. Blocking African Americans from church could be considered a lethal act.

According to polls a whopping majority of over 80% of us come from a Christian tradition. About 42% of Americans attend religious/church services weekly. This is far more than those who attend all professional sports in an entire year.

Some 95% of Americans believe in God. In 1985 George Gallup found that 72% stated: "My whole approach to life is based on my religion." We are the most religious western nation by far. This is especially shocking when we realize that the country is divided almost 50/50 in politics. America, for all her weaknesses, is a religious nation. As one wag noted, ”India is the most religious country in the world and Sweden the least. America is a bunch of Indians ruled by Swedes.”

Research shows that 91% of blacks, 93% of Hispanics and 88% of whites report a religious affiliation. Even more startling is the number for regular attendance: 51% of blacks, 48% of Hispanics and 43% of whites attend services weekly or more often.
Sixty four percent (64%) of blacks in the national sample were members of religious communities (churches) with 59% of whites and 43% of Hispanics.

Participation in religious activities outside weekend services is also high with 47% blacks, 41% whites and 31% Hispanics saying they are in church during the week as well as on Sunday.Social Capital

In a nation obsessed with racial and cultural diversity the facts about minorities and religious faith have been strangely absent from the dialogue. There is one astounding statistic about African American longevity and church attendance that is rarely if ever mentioned in the debates about faith based organizations and health care. An article by Hummer et al in Demography Journal, 36:273-285 in 1999, Blacks who attend church live much longer than those who do not.

Never Attend Whites-77 Years--Blacks 67 = A 10 year difference
Less than weekly-weekly--Whites 80 Years--Blacks 75=5 years
Weekly or more Whites--83 Years--Blacks--80 = 3 years

Whites who attend services more than weekly gain an average of six years in longevity but African Americans who attend services weekly or more gain a whopping 13 years in life expectancy. Their difference in longevity is almost eclipsed by church attendance. In fact, when Blacks attend church more often than weekly it raises their life expectancy to that of whites who attend weekly or less.

It is also a historic fact that the Abolitionist Movement to free slaves in this country originated largely in Christian churches and revival meetings. Despite the strong resistance of many rich and powerful church leaders those who were revived in the Spirit placed their lives, church membership and treasure at risk when they insisted on offering freedom to those in bondage. No wonder so many African Americans are involved in Christian ministries. The benefits are overwhelmingly positive.

Giving to Katrina Victims

Here is a good link to an article in the Philanthropy Chronicle. It shows that foundations and private companies donated over one billion dollars to the people and organizations after Katrina. It is an illustration of how generous Americans are to help people out.

I am sure the unreported money donated in services, gifts and private assistance would be even more than that given officially. Tens of thousands of men, women and young people have spent days and weeks on the Gulf Coast working with people to fix their homes, volunteer at schools and soup kitchens and do a million other helpful things for people. And, most were Christians.

Bust loads of Believers from all over the USA have trooped down to the Gulf to help in any way they can. PTL!! for kindness.

Marriage Harmony

Is anything more important for the churches in America than promoting marital health? Not in my opinion. Children born out of wedlock are damaged and grow up poor, dysfunctional, sickly and behind those born to two parent households.

This morning I watched a show on Kentucky Educational Television about early childhood education. The head of the agency responsible for education said that research was clear on the importance of rearing kids in well off, educated families. She said that kids from welfare families had about 400 words in their vocabulary when they started school. That is extremely low.

Kids from middle income homes have 600 word and those reared in professional homes have 1100 words. This places poor kids at a terrible disadvantage. We know from other data that single mothers are usually on welfare and live in chronic poverty.

We must train churches how to help people get married and stay married.

Empathy versus Enabling

Drug and alcohol addictions are rampant and seemingly growing in America and the rest of the world. One bad way to try to help an addict is to feel sorry for them and bail them out when they get into trouble.

Several years ago during the time I was still doing Clinical Counseling I was called by a Pastor who asked me to contact a family whose thirty year old son was a chronic addict. The parents had spent all their money and even mortgaged their family home to chronically bail the kid out of trouble.

My discussion with her unfolded why the parents were broke and the son was still addicted.

Mother: Dr. Sweeten, what can I do? My son is in jail and they are insisting that he go to a treatment center.
Gary: How many times has this happened?
Mother: Many times.
Gary: What have you done before?
Mother: We have paid his fine and got him an apartment.
Gary: Did it work to help him change his behavior?
Mother: Well, his life has been difficult. His ex wife left him and took the kids. So, he started doing drugs again.
Gary: So, it did not work to stop him from drinking and doping again.
Mother: The poor boy hasn't had a chance.
Gary: So, you feel sorry for him?
Mother: I feel so badly when he is in trouble.
Gary: Mrs. Johnson, you had better stop feeling so sorry for you son unless you kill him. What you are doing is called "Enabling or Co-Dependence". In order for a person to be an addict there must be an enabler.
Mother: (Crying) But I can't be so cruel and let him stay in jail with all those criminals. I love him too much.
Gary: What you are doing the Bible calls hate not love. It will eventually kill him unless you stop. You and your husband need to attend Al Anon, a group for families with an addicted relative. Al Anon teaches relatives how to understand their loved ones but stop enabling them. Mrs. Johnson, you need treatment more than your son. Call me after you go to Al Anon.

Gary Sweeten

The Village Research Project

I have not written much about the new research project we are launching. I call it, "It takes a whole village" project because we are trying to find out exactly how to best support and empower parents of Special Needs Children. The African Proverb, "It takes a village to raise a child" was used by Senator Hillary Clinton as the title for her book on education and health care a few years ago.

I agreed with Mrs. Clinton then and now. It is important to remember that the family system, neighborhood and community are all important in giving a child what she needs to be a healthy, contributing member of society. Our values are caught not just taught.

When a child comes into the world with a disability of some sort, the parents and extended family members are put into situations of stress that are greater than the normal stresses of parenting. There are many services, support systems and opportunities for Special Needs kids but almost nothing for the parents.

Our research will look at what exists now and what the parents in our study think would be helpful to them as they rear their child. We shall, at the end, develop ideas about ways we and local churches can more effectively come around these families and help them find peace, refreshment and better ways to lead their families.

If you have suggestions, write me.

Gary Sweeten
gary@sweetenlife.com

Go Into all the World

The Vicar of Vincennes, or Vicksburg or Vernon, made a great comment on my last post. I agree with it whole heartedly.

Today, Jens-Petter, Peder Paulsen and I did a short seminar of this topic, "The Church as an Equipping, Healing Community. We gathered with fifty or so saints at Karlslunde Lutheran Church just outside Copenhagen where I have been many times before. It is the "Mother Church" for the Holy Spirit Renewal" in Denmark and many great things have been birthed there that have touched thousands around the world.

Teleios Denmark is centered at Karlslunde Church and hundreds of leaderds have taken my training in Listening, Renewed Thinking, Breaking Free from the Past, etc. Jens-Petter and I stayed wikth Gina, a lady whose spiritual journey and growth has touched so many, including her son and daughter who are key leaders in taking God's love, truth and power to others.

Kirsten Callensen, Gina's daughter, has taken Listening and RCT into her professional work as a Psychologist that works with families touched by Autism and Aspergers. Kirsten is doing some extremely creative and significant work by bringing a combination of Psychological, Medical, Theological and Spiritual wisdom and knowledge together.

Kirsten's work is in the Government's clinics and private clinics. It is not openely "Christian" but she is using her time, talents and gifts to bring healing to these stressed out families. Read Luke 10 and see if you can find room for Kirsten's "Secular" ministry in the charge of Jesus to the disciples.

Truth

In the Bible we are encouraged to "Speak the truth in love." That is a beautiful phrase with a wonderfully nuanced message that has power to change us. If we follow it, the message also has the power to change others.


During times of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act.
George Orwell

Surprised by seeing my words on a web page

I just discovered my words reproduced on the web page of The American Association of Christian Counselors

The web is called ecounseling.com and they are trying to sell their training and counselors. I suppose they liked what I had to say, but they did not ask me...

I am flattered that Tim Clinton, President of AACC, would choose me to quote. In fact, I think the folks from right here in Cincinnati, Ohio have more experience and insight about training Counselors both Professional and Para-Professional than 90% of the people in our profession.

The Teleios Center we founded at College Hill Presbyterian Church in 1976 is still offering training and Para-Professional Care and Counsel. Call them at 513-541-5676 for help.

Equipping Ministries Inc that we founded in 1978 is still training hundreds of care givers each year all over the earth.

Teleios Centers in Norway, Denmark, Russia, Singapore, etc are providing Christian care and healing for thousands of people. PTL! The Lay Ministry Model is growing. Nothing can stop this revolution. God is doing it.

Gary Sweeten
http://www.sweetenlife.com/

What Works to Help People Change?

Someone to Care for Me and Listen to my Story

I was very eager to get into graduate school at Southern Illinois University because I wanted to learn all the secrets hidden away in the psychology and counseling books and revealed only to high scoring advanced students like me. I was scared silly when they told me I had to take a special test to get into the graduate college for counseling college students. My performance in high school was pretty low and I always had the secret suspicion that I was faking people out with my quick Sweeten wit and smooth tongue.

But, surprise, surprise, I did rather well on that test, coming out in the 99the percentile of all students in the USA. Now I felt ready to tackle all the tough questions about how to help people in distress. I couldn't wait to listen to the professors who knew all the secret techniques. Man, was I disappointed. There were no secrets. All I found were huge volumes of theories about Freud, Jung, Skinner and Rogers. It seemed as though I was in seminary because everything focused on having faith in one of these philosophies.

It was interesting to read about the way Skinner could teach chickens, pigs and monkeys how to run through mazes and salivate when a bell was rung. How would that help me deal with a depressed student who was contemplating suicide? The ideas of Carl Rogers appealed to me most. His approach had actually grown out of his early years youth leader at a church near Wheaton, Illinois and grew into a full fledged theory of persons when after seminary when he became a psychologist.

Rogers believed in what he called "Non-judgemental acceptance" of every client and what the client said he or she wanted in life. That is widely accepted today but in 1966 it was a radical idea. Despite the fact that I was a heroic advice giver and super problem solver I agreed with Rogers that it was not the Helper's job to tell people what to do. I liked the theory but failed miserably at doing it.

Here I am some forty three years later and I still believe Carl Rogers was on to something great and good. And even more important, the Bible agrees with him and counseling research strongly agrees with his approach. I don't think he supported very much that the Bible teaches but about caring he was right on.

Dr. Rogers actually taught people how to listen. I needed to learn listening skills and that I desperately wanted others to listen to me. At church and home and work I needed to be heard, but few people actually paid attention to what I thought and felt. When I read what Dr. Rogers wrote I identified with it and had a strong emotional resonance.

Now I know that nothing is more important to helping people grow and change than listening to them. Drugs, psychological interventions, warfare and preaching are relatively impotent unless we also show love by listening. As the saying goes, "People do not care how much we know until they know how much we care". And care comes through our ears.

1. Do you want others to really listen to you?

2. Do you actively interrupt or actively listen?

Gary Sweeten

http://www.sweetenlife.com/