Families With Disabled Kids Struggle

An interesting article in the Science Daily online magazine reveal what research is showing about the stresses on families with Special Needs Kids.

We know that it takes about $1,000,000.00 extra to rear a disabled child to age 18. Can you imagine that? Some Federal Government groups are promising money and support but getting through the frightening bureaucracy is daunting if not impossible.

If you want to know more about our ministry to special needs families writ me at gary@sweetenlife.com

Spirituality and Common Sense

An Obituary printed in the London Times.

Obits are printed at a time of death. These are sad times, times of loss and grief. When something as meaningful as "Common Sense" dies, we can all imagine how badly its friends and family members feel.

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:

- Knowing when to come in out of the rain;
- Why the early bird gets the worm;
- Life isn't always fair; and
- Maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining unruly children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his wife, Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers;
I Know My Rights
I Want It Now
Someone Else Is To Blame
I'm A Victim

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

What can we depend upon now that he is gone? It is hard to go to the Bible because it contains so much Common Sense and the loss of CS means that few people can understand what sin, guilt and shame really. Our ancestors knew these things but now I fear that these truths have also gone away.

Famous Preacher Is Stressed

The one who received the seed that fell among the thorns is the man who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke it, making it unfruitful. Matthew 13:22

E. Stanley Jones was born in Baltimore, Maryland on January 3, 1884. He studied law at City College in Baltimore and then graduated from Asbury College in 1906. He was on the faculty of Asbury College when he was called to missionary service in India in 1907 under the Board of Missions of the Methodist Episcopal Church.

When Dr. Jones first began his work in Indian he was a chronic worrier and collapsed several times from fatigue. His doctor sent him home and he was on bed rest for a year. On his return to Bombay, his anxiety returned.

One night, he wrestled with the Lord and he told the Lord that he had run out of his own resources. The Lord impressed upon Stanley to give his work and his worry to Him.

That night transformed Dr. Jones. He went on to be a successful missionary in India and Japan. He later wrote, "This one thing I know: my life was completely transformed and uplifted that night. When at the depth of my weakness and depression, a voice said to me: 'If you will turn that over to Me and not worry about it, I will take care of it,' and I replied, 'Lord I close the bargain right here.'"

Is worry choking off your walk with the Lord? Today in prayer, give all the worries and concerns of your heart to Christ and He will give you peace.

"The beginning of anxiety is the end of faith, and the beginning of true faith is the end of anxiety." - George Mueller

"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." - 1 Peter 5:7

Augustine's Rest

Michael Cristiani wrote a comment on the last post about finding our rest in God. Bishop Augustine is one of the most influential Christians in history. He was a wild mouse who rebelled against every convention and who desperately needed the peace of God. He found it when he heard the voice of the Spirit speak to him and he was born again.

The Bishop lived in north Africa and was a brilliant theologian. However, it appears to me that he failed to really find his rest in Christ while on this earth. My evidence for such a conclusion is how hard he was on people who failed to live up to his standards.

In my experience, anyone who is rigidly ungracious toward other sinners is out of touch with the peace of Jesus. As Hebrews 12:15 says, "Let none of you fail to obtain the grace of God and cause a root of bitterness grow up to defile many people.

Those of us who fail to obtain God's gracious attitude toward ourselves and others are very likely to become bitter. Bitter resentment leads to sickness of body, mind and spirit. Grace leads to peace.

Do You Know King Jesus?

The one sentence slogan for Sweeten Life Systems is:

A lifetime of great relationships.

You have to see this video and praise the Lord for a relationship with the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.

Free Speech is Theatened

The advent of what is being called, "Hate Speech" is a threat to all of us who enjoy freedom and liberty. The last post I mentioned the rise of Climate Fundamentalists whose fears and anxieties are forcing citizens to adopt "Carbon Free" activities even if it destroys our way of life.

We are also seeing fears and anxieties about expressing ideas about religion and its leaders. Go to the Washington Post for an interesting article about what is being proposed in the U.N. and is actually happening in Europe.

Faith, Hope and Love

There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. Orison Swett Marden

If our hope for tomorrow is based on politicians, the economy or any human act we will very likely be sorely disappointed. The market goes up and down every day. The newscasters are paid to spread hopelessness and fear.

Politicians have decided that they need to be "fair" and take money from people who worked hard based on the hope and expectation that making money, saving it and planning well would give them enough to live on for the future. We thought hope would come from a 401 K, but now that hope is dashed.

But God sent Jesus into the world to save us eternally and give us hope for a brighter future with Him and His people. I am placing my hope in God.

Psalm 42

1 As the deer pants for the water brooks,
So pants my soul for You, O God.

2 My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
When shall I come and appear before God?

3 My tears have been my food day and night,
While they continually say to me,
“Where is your God?”

4 When I remember these things,
I pour out my soul within me.
For I used to go with the multitude;
I went with them to the house of God,
With the voice of joy and praise,
With a multitude that kept a pilgrim feast.

5 Why are you cast down, O my soul?
And why are you disquieted within me?
Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him
For the help of His countenance.

6 O my God, my soul is cast down within me;
Therefore I will remember You from the land of the Jordan,
And from the heights of Hermon,
From the Hill Mizar.

7 Deep calls unto deep at the noise of Your waterfalls;
All Your waves and billows have gone over me.

8 The LORD will command
His lovingkindness in the daytime,
And in the night His song shall be with me—
A prayer to the God of my life.

9 I will say to God my Rock,
“Why have You forgotten me?
Why do I go mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?”

10 As with a breaking of my bones,
My enemies reproach me,
While they say to me all day long,
“Where is your God?”

11 Why are you cast down, O my soul?
And why are you disquieted within me?
Hope in God; For I shall yet praise Him,
The help of my countenance and my God.

Stressed or Trusting

Check out my last sermon at Horizon Community Church called, From Worry to Trust. You can also download my Power Point slides at the same link.

In that talk I mention how we can drive ourselves into misery by the ways we think. So, if you like misery, you gotta listen to it.

Gary Sweeten

Down Time

Well, we had a big wind storm in Ohio Sunday afternoon and it left a lot of problems in its wake. Almost 1,000,000 people lost their electric power. Riots, crime, panic, starvation, pollution, disease and floods came upon us.

That may be somewhat of an exaggeration. The truth is that three people were killed by falling trees, and that is tragic. And, some people with illnesses were stuck. However, other than that along with trees down and shingles blown off most of us suffered mostly from going "cold turkey" off of TV, the Internet and the ability to cook.

I drove up to Panera Bread this morning because they were one of the few places with food, coffee and electricity. I stood in line for twenty minutes. I am calling my congresswoman to complain. Twenty minutes without a seat! Where was Bush?!? He failed to get me in immediately and he failed to feed me. (This is satire.)

I stood in line with a man in his forties whose family nearly collapsed from TV withdrawal. His wife kept nagging him to go to the basement and "Jiggle some wires and see if the power would come back". He refused in an act of courage that few modern men are willing to commit when wife and teens are aggrieved.

I think it would be educational if all the power was shut off monthly to train Americans how to deal realistically with minor aggravations. We have life so soft that people think there is a crisis when there is a temporary glitch. If we get too soft we will not be able to respond to real attacks or real crises.

I am reminded of one of my trips to Russia when I stayed in the Seventh Day Adventist compound. It was in the cool of Fall and during the evening the room got pretty cold because there was no heat. However, during the day when the sun shone through the windows the heat came on full blast and it was impossible to turn it off.

That is strange to Americans because we can control our houses and businesses with a local thermostat. That is not, however, the way it works in Moscow where all those decisions are made at a central location. Since there is not enough energy to heat all the places in Moscow at once someone at central planning decided when a section of the city gets heat and hot water. This means that when the hot water is there you take your bath and wash your clothes even if it is at 3:00 AM.

Thankfully, we in the USA do not have central planning but we are moving in that direction with the climate fanatics. Will it come to the place where the Gore followers in Washington, D.C. decide if and when we get heat and hot water? I really enjoy being spoiled.

A Plus from the Storm

It was nice to be in Panera Bread and meet several others with similar issues and challenges who acted like good citizens and good neighbors. We all helped each other get connected to the power outlets and shared like nice people. It was rather heart warming.

Pessimism Can Lead to Depression

In my series of posts on dealing with Adversity I wrote the last time about Pessimism and its foundational thought patterns. Now we shall see what happens emotionally when we allow our self talk to be so Pessimistic. The APART acrostic cummarizes my process.

Adversity

Pessimism

Anger is the result of negative thinking because that is why we call it Stinking Thinking. Such negativity stinks because it leads to emotional destruction, and it can be changed. We have a choice whether to fill our minds and hearts with Pessimistic Ideas or not. The Bible tells us to "Stop being conformed to the world's ways of thinking and acting by renewal of the mind."

Since Pessimism invariably leads to Anger and Bitterness it is never a good idea to chronically think about disaster, problems and helplessness. Sometimes the anger we feel will be turned inward and the result is depression and anxiety. At other times it is turned toward others and we start the Blame/Shame projection of our own misery onto others.

So, either way, Pessimism and Anger are destructive.

Can We Do More to Help Troubled Folks?

"SCARY" STATISTICS

Several surveys conducted during the past decade suggest that the prevalence of depression among college students is growing, and that it eclipses the rate in the general public. Richard Kadison, MD, chief of the Mental Health Service at Harvard's University Health Services in Boston, Mass, offered what he called some "scary" statistics.

Citing a 2000 survey by the American College Health Association, Kadison said that within the last school year, 61% of college students reported feeling hopeless, 45% said they felt so depressed they could barely function, and 9% felt suicidal. The National Mental Health Association's College Student and Depression Pilot Initiative lists suicide as the second leading cause of death among college students.

Another survey by researchers at Kansas State University in Manhattan has shown that from 1988-1992 to 1996-2001, the proportion of students who came to its counseling center with depression increased from 21% to 41%. A 1999 survey by researchers at the University of California, Los Angeles, reported that 30% of college freshman felt overwhelmed by the transition to campus life, compared with only 16% in 1985. The US Surgeon General's report on mental health in 1999 indicated that about 20% of US adults will experience depression at some time in their lives.

Todd Sevig, PhD, director of the University of Michigan Counseling and Psychological Services, examined 1992-2002 utilization data from counseling centers at the 11 universities that comprise the Big Ten Conference. "There has been roughly a 42% increase in the number of students seen at these counseling centers," he said.

Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT), in Boston, also has recorded an increase in the number of students seeking counseling. Kristine Girard, MD, chief of Mental Health Services, said that from 1995 to 2000, the proportion of the student body seeking counseling increased from 8% to 12%. "That figure continues to rise at about 1% per year, and it taxes our services," said Girard.

The USA is experiencing a dramatic rise in Mood Disorders and the churches founded by the Great Physician are doing little to alleviate the problem. Some large churches are adding Professional Counselors to the staff but that is too little to late. Others refer to Christian Counselors and that too is too little too late. (I founded and chair the largest clinical counseling center in our area.)

We desperately need more prevention and training in personal growth. It has been over 30 years since I did an Ed. D. dissertation on the topic of "Equipping Christians to minister care and counsel to one another. Yet, few churches are doing anything to deal with emotional, relational or spiritual problems.

WHY?

What is Sin?

Over the past week a few of us have been interacting on a yahoo discussion group about forgiveness. The interaction actually began when we started to chat about the challenge of living a holy life. That led to some discussion about the nature of sin and whether it is even possible to be sinless.

These are very deep and important issues. So much so that they divide almost every theologian and denomination. After 20 or 30 posts I could see why they are so divisive. It is hard to even difficult to define sin in a way that everyone agrees let alone define how it manifests itself and how to best deal with it.

I grew up in a church going culture and I attended Sunday school, Sunday morning and Sunday evening worship services as well as Wednesday evening services. I heard a lot about sin. I did not understand exactly what it was.

That was probably my fault not the preachers and teachers who were trying to teach me. I thought sin was what I did. If I smoked, drank, played cards or committed adultery I was sinning. But I never understood the issue of the heart and motivations as sin. Not did I understand the difference between sin and guilt. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Do you understand the differences? The first person that challenged me to think about sin differently was President Jimmy Carter. For an interview with Playboy Magazine, President Carter mentioned that lust in his heart was a sin. Just lust alone, without acting on it, was sin. Wow! If so, that changes everything.

Reactivity Scale

When I read about the folks in The Sudan who want to kill a Middle Aged woman from England because she allowed some of her students to name a teddy bear Mohamed, I can think of little else other than "Reactivity". When we are dealing with people who are reactive it is easy to spot. For example, they are extremely serious. A sense of humor is not allowed, especially on subjects they take seriously.

Second, their emotional reaction is far greater than the offense. If I tell a joke about Hillary and they are big fans of hers, the reaction will be one of serious umbrage at my "attack". Then, a great effort to convince me that Hillary is more holy than Mother Teresa.

Third, God wants to give them His peace.

We family therapists have had some training in the subject of Reactivity. There is a a scale to determine whether one is Peacefully Responsive or Anxiously Reactive. I use Zero indicate Perfect Peace. Ten is used to indicate high Anxiety.

When Jesus was before Pilate and was threatened by him, He remained peaceful and refused to React to the threats of such a very powerful man. He was a Zero.

But Peter, one of the, big guys who follwed Jesus was Reactive. When the cops came to arrest Jesus, Peter was about an eight or nine on the Reactivity Scale and cut the ear off one of them. Jesus calmly put it back on the guard.

Not all Muslims are as Reactive as those in Sudan. I worked with and had a lot of fun with many Muslims in Singapore. Most were Peaceful and Responsive rather than Anxious and Reactive. I even trained them how to set up Divorce Recovery Groups and Mentoring Models for school kids. They were attentive and caring students.

But here is the point for us. Are you and I Reactive or Responsive when someone "pushes our button" on some topic? Hamida, the Muslim lady with whom I worked, told Karen that she was unable to find a Christian who would listen to her ideas. They all wanted to "preach to her". If our preaching is from personal defensiveness rather than love, it will not be very effective.

When Bill Clinton was President many of my friends Reactive whenever his name came up. Why did they allow that to evoke such anxiety? Now, some of my friends are Reactive to George W. Why do they allow his name to bother them?

Reactivity indicates that we need to grow in an area. It is God's Yellow Caution Light warning us that we have lost our peace. Like the bumper stickers from the Seventies, "Support Peace or I will Kill You."

Gary's Socialism

Growing up in a home that honored over functioning, I slipped into that role with glee after my younger brother was born. I was just seven years old at the time. Mother was mercifully drawn back into her proper role as wife and mother to us boys. But that left a vacuum in the care taking of Grand Dad Taylor.

Mom Taylor had made up her mind not to stay at home with her "sick" husband. She preferred to work six days a week at their little store and go to church almost every night. Their daughter, my mother, was stuck at home with the new baby and my brother and I were left to tend for ourselves.

(Over functioners always fail some place. Despite the grandiose notion that they can be Omnipresent, they , so someone is left out. Workaholics neglect their wives and kids and religious fanatics neglect God and family.)

In a combination of God's sovereignty and human dysfunction I, at the tender age of seven, chose/was chosen, to fill the role as a care giver to my Grand Dad. Every day for seven years I was nurse, massage therapist, counselor, chaplain, radio operator and sports announcer for a man fifty years older than I.

I received enormous emotional and spiritual rewards for my service. Rewards that left me more confused about what it meant to be "a good Christian boy". Those seven years marked me for life. My role as a heroic care giver has impacted almost everything I have done since. I turned into a hard working, intentionally but confused heroic over functioner who tried to help people whether it was wise to do so or not.

This is why I dislike socialism so much. Socialism is governmental over functioning that almost always ends up keeping its clients under functioning. The Golden Rule of Jesus says, "Do unto others what you would have them do unto you."

The socialist says: "Do unto others what they should do for themselves."

Only one of these Rules is healthy.

Balance in Life

In the previous post I quoted recent news stories about educators and police agencies who seem to have lost their balance when it comes to "safety". Americans are worried about the Federal Government spying on citizens but this is unhealthy fear.

The stories about police and school intrusions and over reactions indicate another problem in American life. The lack of emotional balance. After the terrible crimes at Columbine investigators indicated that officials failed to act quickly enough on signs and symptoms of the murderers to prevent the killings. However, now many agencies and school officials are over-reacting to the slightest evidence.

Such an over reaction indicates what we call "Societal Regression". Such a regression occurs when society at large seems to lose its balance and ability to calmly respond to events that might be dangerous. There is an automatic REACTION of anxiety that is actually worse than the original "threat". Before Columbine the police REACTIVELY ignored clear signals of danger. Their anxiety stopped them from intervening in a serious threat.

After Columbine the OVER REACTION was and is just as great. Police anxiety is still present but in the opposite direction. Now officials REACTIVELY INTERVENE in clearly non-dangerous activities. These REACTIVE INTERVENTIONS make violence more likely. They look like they are "crying wolf" and produce callousness in the public over time.

Anxious and REACTIVE people are in churches, families and community organizations. Parents are especially vulnerable to regressive anxiety and become over any mild threat faced by their children. One local mother went to the school board to complain that a six year old kid had called her son a bad name and wanted the offending child punished.

OVER REACTION and OVER PROTECTION is unhealthy. Children grow best when they can learn how to take care of themselves when other kids "bully them" and all we are teaching bright kids is to have a strong distrust for leaders who are so rigidly reactive.