Asset Based Care and Counsel

Don't Take NO as the Answer

If we want to truly assist our family and friends we need to look carefully at their assets. This does not mean we ignore their needs, problems and concerns. As a therapist I can do a Differential Diagnosis and place a Client into a rigid category or two with little trouble. In fact, I can even give you a number and always refer to you as the Depressed Patient.

Take a quick look at that diagnosis. Is that all the person is? Have I successfully summarized that man by reducing him to a psychological category? If that Client were you would you be satisfied by that category or would you want me to know that you are much more than a Depressive?

You might say, "I am also a mother, an aunt, a Doctor and skilled bridge player and a talented golfer. Oh, by the way, I am also a devoted daughter of a wonderful mother."

If I were to ask you some simple questions I could discover that you have many skills and talents and gifts in addition to the NEEDS that brought you to my office. It is the problems that brought you to see my but it will take the strengths and abilities to get you healed. No one is healed by focusing on his/her weaknesses. In fact, that will very likely keep you depressed.

I immediately know some of your strengths and assets:

You have a very good ability to think. You are a Doctor and a bridge player, two things that demand an ability to reason well. Since Reasoned Christian Thinking is one of the best ways to rebound from depression there is a strong hope for a quick recovery.

Second, you have athletic abilities because you play golf. That tells me that since exercise is a great way to reduce depression you can take up walking or running.

Third, I can see that you have a warm, caring social and family support system, both of which are essential for recovery from depression.

Fourth, since I can quickly some of your assets it means that you are probably not using them to as well as you could so I can see ways to coach you that allows you to utilize those assets more effectively.

In depression, it is hard to see or affirm one's assets so a good coach, caring friend and counselor will work to encourage the client to more accurately assess them. This needs to be done with sensitivity but by listening carefully the client can begin to hope again and hope is essential to recovery.

As an exercise in regaining hope, write down some of your assets, strengths, gifts, talents and hobbies. Look them over daily and thank God for His wonderful blessings.

Count your blessings name them one by one
Count your blessings see what God has done

Families With Disabled Kids Struggle

An interesting article in the Science Daily online magazine reveal what research is showing about the stresses on families with Special Needs Kids.

We know that it takes about $1,000,000.00 extra to rear a disabled child to age 18. Can you imagine that? Some Federal Government groups are promising money and support but getting through the frightening bureaucracy is daunting if not impossible.

If you want to know more about our ministry to special needs families writ me at gary@sweetenlife.com

The Viet Nam Wall

Several years ago I was able to visit the Vietnam Wall in Washington, D.C. It was quite an emotional experience because of the design of the Memorial and the crowd's strong feelings.

I had quite a few friends who went to Vietnam and one who was killed. I can still remember the day I heard of his death and how shocked I was that someone I knew had died at a very young age.

War is terrible. The death, destruction and evil that occur are beyond description. Yet, it seems that wars are necessary evils. Christian theologians talk about what are called, "Just Wars". No matter how just or unjust they are, lives, families and histories are destroyed in them.

As a Christian I believe in eternal life through faith in the life, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. This wall reminds me that people die every day. Mortality is 100% for all of us so it reminds me to live like I was dying. Maybe you will pause and reflect upon your own mortality and your eternal life.

The enclosed link will take you to a site designed to be a "virtual wall" with the names, ranks and home places of every person killed in that far away war. I clicked it and found the names of people who died from my neck of the woods. I hope it will help some people honor friends and family members on the list.

Click on the site at the bottom then chose a state. First click on a state. When it opens, scroll down to the city and the names will appear. Then click on their names. It should show you a picture of the person, or at least their bio and medals.

This really is an amazing web site. Someone spent a lot of time and effort to create it.

I hope that everyone who receives this appreciates what those who served in Vietnam sacrificed for our country.
The link below is a virtual wall of all those lost during the Vietnam war with the names, bio's and other information on our lost heroes. Those who remember that time frame, or perhaps lost friends or family can look them up on this site.
Pass the link on to others if you like.

A Tale of Riding Dead Horses

In a recent article for Focal Point, a publication of Denver Seminary, Dr. Haddon Robinson gave an illustration regarding organizations and dead horses. One bit of wisdom addressed to organizations is "When the horse you are riding dies, dismount." That sounds like keen insight into the obvious. Unfortunately, many organizations refuse to embrace it. Writer Karen Peterson came up with some alternative strategies that organizations often use to deal with the problem of dead horses.

Change riders (If you can't do the job of riding this horse we'll find someone who can!).
Appoint a committee to study the horse (After all, we mustn't rush to judgment. Perhaps the horse isn't really dead, but sleeping).
Attend a seminar to increase riding ability (When in doubt, blame the rider and question his abilities).
Get a stronger whip (even if this doesn't motivate the horse, it will make the rider feel better!).
Enroll in a seminar to learn how others ride dead horses (Perhaps if you improve your technique no one will notice that you lack substance).
When there is nothing else to do, remember, the time honored wisdom of desperate organizations: "No horse is too dead to beat!"


How do you treat a dead horse organization? What parts of your ministry are dead?

How to be a Fruit Inspector at Church

I think it is ironic to see so many men's groups focus on "Accountability". Have you noticed that there are no women's groups that talk about ACCOUNTABILITY? Why?

There is something in the male DNA that longs to come across as macho. "I don't need your stinking kindness, kick me and knock me down a few times and I will get better." The joke in Singapore was, "The caning will continue until morale increases."

The Bible tells us to "Confess your sins to one another and pray for one another so you will be healed" James 5: 16. So, we need "Confession Groups" and "Prayer Groups" and "Healing Groups" but do we need "Accountability Groups"? That smacks of criticism and parenting rather than receiving a confession and praying for God's forgiveness and healing.

I have been working with Clergy for many years. I have often asked them about confession to a wife, colleague or friend and I hear the same thing. "Confession? How do you do that? I confess to God but not to men. That is not necessary."

Then why did the Holy Spirit place that statement in the Bible?

The Holy Spirit inspects our fruit to see what needs to be changed. I am not the one who convicts others of sin and guilt. I am not the Holy Spirit. Just as a doctor does not "deliver a baby" but simply "catches her" as she is thrust from the womb, we can receive the confession and take the guilt to God for cleansing.

I don't believe that the term Accountability" is a great word to describe what God has in mind.

Put Christ in Christmas

I intentionally say, "Merry Christmas" to people and I also try to remember to emphasize the fact that Christmas is a celebration of the birth of the Savior of the world not just a time to promote retail sales. I recently heard a reporter say that in past years many retailers were changing from promoting a "Merry Christmas" by saying "Happy Holidays" but that has changed with the economic downturn.

This shows us that economic realities put Christians in the driver's seat on this issue. And, according to the polls, we are in the majority.

Amidst all the holiday shopping craziness, most Americans at this time of year want to see holiday signs that wish them a "Merry Christmas." A new Rasmussen Reports national telephone survey finds that 72% of adults prefer "Merry Christmas," while 22% like "Happy Holidays" instead.

Marketers would be crazy to insult Christians and those of us who like the traditions of our childhood. Some 72% of us want to stay with the traditional greetings. So, let us all make sure we remember the focus of Christmas and keep our greetings warm, loving and Christ centered.

It might not be a bad idea to remind the current resident of the White House that his constituency wants us to have a Christmas Tree not a Holiday Tree.

Grand Parenting

Karen and I are in Pittsburgh with Jack and Emma, our son's children while he and Shelley are in California. It is a lot of exhausting fun. I had forgotten how much work two kids are and how much joy they bring at the same time.

I awoke at 5:00 AM and Jack was already up. That means it is a long day. Getting him and Emma washed, dressed, fed and ready for the day was a challenge. Jack attends Covenant Presbyterian Pre-School so I had to find it and get him there in time. I met his teacher and saw the great program that Covenant has for kids and the way they preach the gospel in so many avenues.

Emma is MY girl. At age 14 months she loves her Papa. Her big smile anytime I am near melts my heart and we have a great time.

Children are messy. Very messy. They love to get their toys out and spread them liberally around the house. In five minutes the house is a wreck and they could care less.

But grand parents are not surprised or upset. It is just the way they are and we love it.

So, I am not writing about the Great Awakenings. I am just trying to stay awake.

What I have Learned about Healing in 30 Years

I have been involved in an active healing ministry for about 30 years. That is a long time and a lot of prayer. But it was worth it. Here are some of my insights.

1. Everyone has someone who needs healing. All of us have a problem, are a problem or make problems. This means that the original intent of Jesus role as "The Great Physician" and the Bible He inspired are still relevant today.

2. There is not condition or disease that cannot be substantially improved by the love, power and truth of Christians.

3. Very few churches or church leaders believe in or practice the kinds of healing ministries that Jesus ordered us to pursue. Pastors and leaders need to ask for courage to do what Jesus commanded when He said: "Go into the world and make good students of every language and ethnic group. Baptize them in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Make sure that they actually practice very thing I said and did. Do not forget that I will be with you."

4. Practicing the healing ministries of Jesus will win people to faith in God. Read Luke 10 if you want to see what Jesus designed as a "Missional" evangelistic ministry. Read Acts if you want to see how the early church evangelized.

5. It is time for all Christians to share God's love, His truth and His power so others can be healed.

Reflection on Ministry

As I reflect on the last thirty years of ministry I am struck with how much Christian leaders and ordinary lay people are begging for practical Life Skills and how few seminaries train Ministers in their use. The research from all kinds of Helping Professions, including Ministry, indicates that the core of facilitating the growth and change of others lies in our ability to listen to, respect and care for people.

I recently read that only 13% of change in therapy comes from pills, psychological interventions, teaching and therapist theories. All the rest comes from caring relationships with family, friends, and the Helper. So, whether you are a Teacher, Psychiatrist, Pastor or Hair Dresser, learn to listen to your clients and your family members.

Love covers a multitude of sins.

HEALED AND WHOLE

One day I dug a little hole
And put my hurt inside
I thought that I could just forget
I'd put it there to hide.

But that little hurt began to grow
I covered it every day
I couldn't leave it and go on
It seemed the price I had to pay.

My joy was gone, my heart was sad
Pain was all I knew.
My wounded soul enveloped me
Loving seemed too hard to do.

One day, while standing by my hole
I cried to God above
And said, "If you are really there
They say, you're a God of Love!

And just like that -- he was right there
And just put his arms around me
He wiped my tears, his hurting child
There was no safer place to be.

I told him all about my hurt
I opened up my heart
He listened to each and every word
To every sordid part.

I dug down deep and got my hurt
I brushed the dirt away
And placed it in the Master's hand
And healing came that day.

He took the blackness of my soul
And set my spirit FREE!
Something beautiful began to grow
Where the hurt used to be.

And when I look at what has grown
Out of my tears and pain
I remember every day to give my hurts to him
And never bury them again.

By Carol Parrot

The Truth Sets us Free

I just re-read my last post and asked myself why I get to lathered up when I see what I believe to be hokum, B.S. and distortions of truth. I would like to say that it is because I want to follow Christ as the author of truth but that would be false humility.

It is probably because it is an important part of my temperament. On the Myers-Briggs I am an NT. That means I see things through a prism of iNtuism and apply what I see by analysis and systems' thinking. My whole life I have been drawn to apply analytical reasoning to what I see.

This does not mean that I am always right even though I rarely think otherwise. Just ask my family and friends. In fact, the NT Personality can be summarized as, "Often wrong but never in doubt". I am usually pretty sure that my opinions are correct.

So, when I hear things that seem to me to be bogus, invalid, rumor and based on false assumptions I sometimes react strongly. That is what happened when I read some statements by Left Wing actors and politicians about the towers being dynamited by Mr. Bush so we could go to war with the Muslims.

The entire premise and accusations of the people who claim such a conspiracy theory are like Red Bull drinks. They are stimulants that cause me to really pop off. (I know they do not really MAKE me do anything. I am making myself get frustrated and want to straighten these people out. I would really like to blame these people but I am making myself miserable all on my own.)

So, I am confessing my weaknesses and failures. I admit I get impatient and grouchy with such persons. At those times I do not "FEEL" a liking for them. Please be patient with me; God is not finished with me yet.

Depression Drugs are Not Effective

Antidepressant use doubles in US, study finds 03 Aug 2009 20:00:22 GMT
Source: Reuters
* Use doubles from 13 million to 27 million Americans

* Increase in use not seen among blacks

* More Americans may accept diagnosis of depression

But, drugs will not get to the root cause!

By Maggie Fox, Health and Science Editor

WASHINGTON, Aug 3 (Reuters) - Use of antidepressant drugs in the United States doubled between 1996 and 2005, probably because of a mix of factors, researchers reported on Monday.

About 6 percent of people were prescribed an antidepressant in 1996 -- 13 million people. This rose to more than 10 percent or 27 million people by 2005, the researchers found.

"Significant increases in antidepressant use were evident across all sociodemographic groups examined, except African Americans," Dr. Mark Olfson of Columbia University in New York and Steven Marcus of the University of Pennsylvania in Philadelphia wrote in the Archives of General Psychiatry.

"Not only are more U.S. residents being treated with antidepressants, but also those who are being treated are receiving more antidepressant prescriptions," they added.

More than 164 million prescriptions were written in 2008 for antidepressants, totaling $9.6 billion in U.S. sales, according to IMS Health.

Drugs that affect the brain chemical serotonin like GlaxoSmithKline's Paxil, known generically as paroxetine, and Eli Lilly and Co's Prozac, known generically as fluoxetine, are the most commonly prescribed class of antidepressant. But the study found the effect in all classes of the drugs.

Olfson and Marcus looked at the Medical Expenditure Panel Surveys done by the U.S. Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality, involving more than 50,000 people in 1996 and 2005.

"During this period, individuals treated with antidepressants became more likely to also receive treatment with antipsychotic medications and less likely to undergo psychotherapy," they wrote.

SOCIAL ACCEPTANCE

The survey did not look at why, but the researchers made some educated guesses. It may be more socially acceptable to be diagnosed with and treated for depression, they said. The availability of new drugs may also have been a factor.

"Although there was little change in total promotional spending for antidepressants between 1999 ($0.98 billion) and 2005 ($1.02 billion), there was a marked increase in the percentage of this spending that was devoted to direct-to consumer advertising, from 3.3 percent ($32 million) to 12 percent ($122.00 million)," they added.

Dr. Eric Caine of the University of Rochester in New York said he was concerned by the findings. "Antidepressants are only moderately effective on population level," he said in a telephone interview.

Caine, who was not involved in the research, noted that several studies show therapy is as effective as, if not more effective than, drug use alone.

"There are no data to say that the population is healthier. Indeed, the suicide rate in the middle years of life has been climbing," he said.

Olfson and Marcus said out-of-pocket costs for psychotherapy and lower insurance coverage for such visits may have driven patients away from seeing therapists in favor of an easy-to-prescribe pill.

The rise in antidepressant prescriptions also is seen despite a series of public health warnings on use of antidepressant drugs beginning in 2003 after clinical trials showed they increased the risk of suicidal thoughts and behaviors in children and teens.

In February 2005, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration added its strongest warning, a so-called black box, on the use of all antidepressants in children and teens.

(Editing by Philip Barbara)


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Here is my take on depression: Go talk with a Helper. Find a listening friend or family member. If that does not work find a Counselor.

Counselors are more effective than drugs.

Marriage Harmony

Is anything more important for the churches in America than promoting marital health? Not in my opinion. Children born out of wedlock are damaged and grow up poor, dysfunctional, sickly and behind those born to two parent households.

This morning I watched a show on Kentucky Educational Television about early childhood education. The head of the agency responsible for education said that research was clear on the importance of rearing kids in well off, educated families. She said that kids from welfare families had about 400 words in their vocabulary when they started school. That is extremely low.

Kids from middle income homes have 600 word and those reared in professional homes have 1100 words. This places poor kids at a terrible disadvantage. We know from other data that single mothers are usually on welfare and live in chronic poverty.

We must train churches how to help people get married and stay married.

Poverty and Christians

What social needs are churches supposed to meet? Are we supposed to eliminate Hunger, Homelessness, Abortion, Addiction, violence, Adoption, Pornography, Domestic abuse, Divorce,Ignorance,?

Which are we to focus on at church and in life? The answer is: YES.

But the core of these issues is a lack of salvation and mature Christians.

Here in Cincinnati, we are seeing an increase in deadly conflicts among young men and women. Almost daily we get images of families crowding around a crime scene weeping and wailing about the loss of a child or young person.

Many of the comments coming from the adults call on God and ask for His protection, yet the ones involved in the killings seem clueless to God's love and life. Another thing is missing: Males. Rarely do we see males in these photos. I would be willing to bet that over 90% of the youth involved in these killings came from homes where the father was absent most of all of their lives. I hope someone can prove me wrong.

Salvation is not enough. We must also have changed lives that bring dads back into the families they have fathered. Unfortunately, we have spawned a culture of polygamy without marriage and children without love. The rule is too often "hooking up" sexually and fathering a child with no personal responsibility to rear that child or model personal responsibility to him or her.

With abortion we also see a culture of death and despising children. The pro death politicians and feminist ideologues have brought such evil upon our nation that it is almost impossible to stop the carnage. We Christians must pray hard to reveal this deception and regain the culture of love, life and nurture we once enjoyed.

My dad had a favorite saying about this. "When we remove sex from marriage we will see the men become tom cats who kill their offspring and show no love to their partners." My dad was a prophet and it will get much worse in the years ahead.

We wrestle not against flesh and blood but against the principalities and powers and spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6:10 ff

Our enemy is not Obama or even the NARAL groups that promote killing and death.

Dr Tiller's Killer

A very interesting post by a pro abortion writer can be found online at the National Post.

We have seen over 40,000,000 babies intentionally killed by abortion doctors since 1973. That is more than all the people killed by Hitler and all those killed by Stalin. Chairman Mao, of course, has the record of killing over 100,000,000 million Chinese.

But 40,000,000 people is a lot of men and women who would be working in American jobs, going to college and providing for their families. The western world of Europe and America are facing a critical shortage of people. Much of that shortage can be blamed on aggressive aborters and Left Wing Politicians.

But, don't worry, that will change because the vacuum of people in Europe and the USA are being replaced by Muslims, Latinos, Chinese and Indians. These people usually love their families and will not kill their offspring. So, the future will be led by Conservatives. Obama will be listed as a brutal dictator and George Bush will be considered a hero.

Dr. Tiller will be considered like Mengele.

Gary Sweeten

Heart and Soul in Witnessing

I wrote a few posts ago about the technical brilliance and the soullessness of much of modern life. While in Norway and Denmark I saw the advance of social and politics that makes sure people live in relative comfort. They call it "A guaranteed quality of life." Scandinavia is the model for Liberals in the USA and we are headed rapidly in that direction.

The problem with such an ideal is the lack of initiative taken by ordinary people to innovate, relate with love and care to each other in a deep manner. It is easier to let the government take care of our problem and problem people. But that does not work very well. People with psychological and relational pain need love, care, kindness and sharing in a community not just pills and a psychiatric hospital staffed by bureaucrats.

It also means that witnessing is frowned upon. So most Christ Followers find it increasingly difficult to share their faith in Jesus. That is way too personal, emotional and agressive.

My seminar in Norway was held in a four star summer resort on the sea. Being winter, the rates with a meter of snow on the ground were low. Some thirty of us came together to grow deeper into personal relationship with God, self and others.

The staff at the resort were attentive and professional.

During one of my sessions on developing personal relationships with others I suggested that building caring relationships is most effective way to witness about Christ's love. I finished the session by asking how many of them knew the names of our servers and if any had spoken to them personally in the first two days of our visit. Few raised their hands.

I had suggested that the Jesus Model as presented in Luke 10 is a great evangelistic model. It tells us to bless people with peace as we go about our business. Then, we are to observe on whom that peace rests because that would alert us to the persons that were interested in Christ.

The group took the hint and thereafter became warmly inviting to the staff. One woman was fluent in Russian and discovered that two of the staff were from the former USSR. They chatted in Russian and the smiles were wide on their beaming faces.

One man asked how he might pray for a waitress and she burst into tears. She later asked him to pray that she would overcome her fear of males so she could develop a healthy relationship with a man.

A Pastor discovered that one of the wait staff was from his hometown and shared his unique way of speaking. They spent hours together reminiscing about the "old days" in the village.

In a few days this caring, Evangelical group of turned on, Spirit filled men and women discovered voices of compassion. They overcame the natural "Scandinavian Shyness" and showed strangers the love and concern of Jesus .

Two other groups were also having conferences at the hotel. They were loud, drunken and having a lot of "fun". The differences between them and us were obvious. We chatted with each other and the staff with warmth, empathy and respect. Some responded back with requests for prayer and understanding their loneliness. Even though sober we had more joy.

Take a look at how powerful respect, love, understanding and warmth can be, even to an atheist.

Gary Sweeten

Healing

I have been in some type of healing activity for many years. During that time I have helped others get better even though sickness and pain have been my personal friend.

Several times I was counseling a person in depression while struggling myself with a deep melancholy. Interestingly enough my ability to focus on helping another person in pain also helped give me some relief.

For the past few months I have experienced pain in both shoulders. It has been difficult to raise my right arm above my head at times and that is frustrating. I asked for prayers from the good people at Dwelling Place Church in February and experienced some relief.

Because I was heading for Scandinavia with luggage it occurred to me that I needed to seek some assistance from Dr. Mark Korchok, a great Chiropractor near my home. After several sessions my shoulders are better but not pain free.

I am staying in the home of Jens-Petter and Astrid Jorgensen in Oslo and sleeping in the bed of their daughter Marie Theresa who is away at school. After spending a couple of nights here, my shoulder is substantially better. I am very thankful for prayers, Dr. Korchok and this good bed.

So here are the questions: "How does God heal" and "Is relief from a good night's sleep count as one way God heals?"

Secular Humanists do not believe in God so they cannot believe in a God who heals. It is said that an atheist believes in "The uniformity of natural causes in a CLOSED SYSTEM". I believe in the "Uniformity of natural causes and cures in an OPEN, GOD-SOAKED SYSTEM".

Here is the difference. Humanists discount any intervention into nature from outside the natural order. We Christians believe in a natural order that God can and often does interact with. My shoulder was damaged by some of my behavior and nature took its course and the pain alerted me to the damage I had caused myself. I have sought several "remedies from nature" such as pain medications and Chiropractic interventions. They have helped.

I also sought supernatural interventions through prayer. It also helped. This is not an "either-or dichotomy" but a "both-and unity". God gave the Hebrew people many different natural interventions stop the spread of communicable diseases. He was the first chemist in history and his advice saved thousands of lives. God created nature so why would He be hostile to its healing properties?

May God bless you and your Christian community as you seek to live under Hios rule and reign. I sometimes read that the modern church has lost its way when there is an emphasis upon being a "Therapeutic Community". The root words for salvation and therapy are similar. Let us go into the world as agents of salvation, healing and good works.

For more on the ways we foster healing, growth and health, see our web page.

Gary Sweeten
www.sweetenlife.com

Truth

In the Bible we are encouraged to "Speak the truth in love." That is a beautiful phrase with a wonderfully nuanced message that has power to change us. If we follow it, the message also has the power to change others.


During times of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act.
George Orwell

Stressed or Trusting

Check out my last sermon at Horizon Community Church called, From Worry to Trust. You can also download my Power Point slides at the same link.

In that talk I mention how we can drive ourselves into misery by the ways we think. So, if you like misery, you gotta listen to it.

Gary Sweeten

What Works to Help People Change?

Someone to Care for Me and Listen to my Story

I was very eager to get into graduate school at Southern Illinois University because I wanted to learn all the secrets hidden away in the psychology and counseling books and revealed only to high scoring advanced students like me. I was scared silly when they told me I had to take a special test to get into the graduate college for counseling college students. My performance in high school was pretty low and I always had the secret suspicion that I was faking people out with my quick Sweeten wit and smooth tongue.

But, surprise, surprise, I did rather well on that test, coming out in the 99the percentile of all students in the USA. Now I felt ready to tackle all the tough questions about how to help people in distress. I couldn't wait to listen to the professors who knew all the secret techniques. Man, was I disappointed. There were no secrets. All I found were huge volumes of theories about Freud, Jung, Skinner and Rogers. It seemed as though I was in seminary because everything focused on having faith in one of these philosophies.

It was interesting to read about the way Skinner could teach chickens, pigs and monkeys how to run through mazes and salivate when a bell was rung. How would that help me deal with a depressed student who was contemplating suicide? The ideas of Carl Rogers appealed to me most. His approach had actually grown out of his early years youth leader at a church near Wheaton, Illinois and grew into a full fledged theory of persons when after seminary when he became a psychologist.

Rogers believed in what he called "Non-judgemental acceptance" of every client and what the client said he or she wanted in life. That is widely accepted today but in 1966 it was a radical idea. Despite the fact that I was a heroic advice giver and super problem solver I agreed with Rogers that it was not the Helper's job to tell people what to do. I liked the theory but failed miserably at doing it.

Here I am some forty three years later and I still believe Carl Rogers was on to something great and good. And even more important, the Bible agrees with him and counseling research strongly agrees with his approach. I don't think he supported very much that the Bible teaches but about caring he was right on.

Dr. Rogers actually taught people how to listen. I needed to learn listening skills and that I desperately wanted others to listen to me. At church and home and work I needed to be heard, but few people actually paid attention to what I thought and felt. When I read what Dr. Rogers wrote I identified with it and had a strong emotional resonance.

Now I know that nothing is more important to helping people grow and change than listening to them. Drugs, psychological interventions, warfare and preaching are relatively impotent unless we also show love by listening. As the saying goes, "People do not care how much we know until they know how much we care". And care comes through our ears.

1. Do you want others to really listen to you?

2. Do you actively interrupt or actively listen?

Gary Sweeten

http://www.sweetenlife.com/