We Have a Problem in Communication

It is never easy to communicate about an emotional or spiritual issue. It seems that misunderstandings are more common than clarity and understanding. In my profession, pastoral care, counseling, consulting and training, I do a lot of talking about the need to clarify, listen and use words carefully.

We have a saying about miscommunication that sums it up: The biggest barrier to clear communication is not a disagreement about the answer but a lack of agreement about the question.

Recently we had somewhat of a furor about the stumbles of Rev. Ted Haggard and the world's response to his troubles. The Rocky Mountain News reported in a dramatic manner that Jim Dobson had said Haggard needed an exorcism. The implication is, "not only is Ted Haggard a liar, a hypocrite and a fake Dr. Dobson is no better than a witch doctor."

There was only one small problem. Dr. Dobson did not say such a thing. The Rocky Mountain News, misunderstood. Dr. Dobson used the term "EXERCISE" not "EXORCISE". It is just a small difference but has a big implication.

Here is how they corrected their embarrassing mistake.

"This story incorrectly stated that James Dobson, founder and chairman of Focus on the Family, believes people who don't practice what they preach should undergo an exorcism. His quote, in a TV interview about reaction to the firing of evangelical leader Ted Haggard for 'sexual immorality,' was: 'Everybody gets exercised (worked up about it) when something like this happens, and for good reason.'"—A correction to a November 23 Rocky Mountain News article on Dobson and Haggard, which had the subhead "Dobson: Haggard not a hypocrite, just in need of exorcism."

Will everyone who read the original story read the correction or remember it? No. A hundred years from now people will still sit around their TV screens and discuss Dobson's desire to cast demons out of Ted Haggard.

So, be careful about what you say. Trying to communicate accurately and lovingly as a Christian is a difficult challenge especially when the secularized, suspicious world is watching. As scripture says, "Let nothing come out of your mouth that does not edify and build up." Wow, what a challenge.

My first book was named, "Apples of Gold" because the Bible says, "Words properly spoken are like apples of gold in a tray of silver."

So, pray for the Holy Spirit to watch over us and guide our tongues to say sweet things to bless people. Even then we may be misunderstood so offer grace to yourself and those who miss your meaning.