Healing Marriages

A school in Moscow with kids trying on gas masks



A recent article in the New York Times shows the devastating effect of dysfunctional families in Russia. There are more orphans in Russia today than there were immediately after WWII when Russia lost 25 million people!!!

we have been working in Russia since the beginning of perestroika. My first trip was in 1991 but we got going a few years later after Dr. Galina came here and learned our methods of equipping lay and professionals how to "Heal the broken hearted and set the captives free."

We focus a great deal on breaking the bondage of addiction in Russia as well as the other nations where we minister. However, Russia has the most addicted population I have ever seen so we must do everything we can to raise up Pastors and Christian Lay people to minister to those in need of sobriety.

But sobriety is not enough. Couples must learn how to live together in harmony and parents must learn how to love their children and discipline them well. Almost every family has an addict in it so divorce, abortion and domestic abuse are rampant. And, the professional Pastors, Psychologists and Social workers have almost NO real skills to bring healing through Jesus Christ.

The result? Abandoned babies. Precious babies. Lovey babies. We help workers in orphanages learn the skills of loving and healing those abandoned babies. But the most important things we do are healing the parents. healing the marriages. healing the addicts so there are no abandoned babies.

Will you help us? Pray for us? Support us?

Sweeten Life Systems

How to be an Evangelist

Guy Kawasaki, a very famous blogger, speaker and writer, put out a nice and instructive post recently about being a "secular evangelist". Guy is a Christian so he "borrowed" a lot of ideas from the Bible as to ways we can reach others for a cause, even the cause for Christ.

Here are some of his points.

# Create a cause.The starting point of evangelism is having a great thing to evangelize. A cause seizes the moral high ground. It is a product or service that improves the lives of people, ends bad things, or perpetuates good things. It is not simply an exchange of things/services for money.
# Love the cause. “Evangelist” isn't simply a job title. It's a way of life. It means that the evangelist totally loves the product and sees it as a way to bring the “good news.” No matter how great the person, if he doesn't love the cause, he cannot be a good evangelist for it.
# Look for agnostics, ignore atheists. A good evangelist can usually tell if people understand and like a product in five minutes. If they don't, cut your losses and avoid them. It is very hard to convert someone to a new religion when he believes in another god.
# Localize the pain. No matter how revolutionary your product, don't describe it using lofty, flowery terms like “revolutionary,” “paradigm shifting,” and “curve jumping.” People don't buy “revolutions.” They buy “aspirins” to fix the pain or “vitamins” to supplement their lives.
# Let people test drive the cause. Essentially, say to people, “We think you are smart. Therefore, we aren't going to bludgeon you into becoming our customer. Try our product, take it home, download it, and then decide if it's right for you.” A test drive is much more powerful than an ad.
# Learn to give a demo. An “evangelist who cannot give a great demo” is an oxymoron. A person simply cannot be an evangelist if she cannot demo the product. If a person cannot give a demo that quickens the pulse of everyone in the audience, he should stay in sales or in marketing.
# Provide a safe first step. The path to adopting a cause should have a slippery slope.
# Ignore pedigrees. Good evangelists aren't proud. They don't focus on the people with big titles and big reputations. Frankly, they'll meet with, and help, anyone who “gets it” and is willing to help them.
# Never tell a lie. Very simply, lying is morally and ethically wrong.
# Remember your friends. Be nice to the people on the way up because one is likely to see them again on the way down.

Read more at his blog

Discipleship, Training and Equipping the Saints

A few days ago I posted some thoughts on one of the Sweeten Life Board's priorities for one of our next great adventures. We are coming to the end of the powerful, life changing research on ways to best support families with disabled kids and we are gearing up for a new thrust as soon as we develop the actions steps necessary to carry out our research insights.

The USA and the world has a greater number of Christians today than ever before in history. And, many of these men and women has been Believers for a long time. This means they have been in churches, Bible study groups and discussions about faith, ministry and influence for hundreds of hours. "Why are we having such a small influence on culture, evangelism and our neighbors?"

As a teacher, coach with several degrees in education I have some ideas about the answer to that big question. Perhaps we have focused our Christian educational energies on making students more knowledgeable. Unfortunately we have not focused much time on preparing those students how to multiply themselves. There is a world of difference between being a good ball player and being a good coach.

Pete Rose was a great baseball player but he was not a very good baseball coach. No one had to teach Pete to slide headlong and to run as fast as he could to first base. He was a "natural" who assumed his players would do likewise.

Why are our best preachers not always good coaches of parents on child rearing, members on evangelism, leaders of small group, committee facilitation, etc? They are good at preaching not detailed processes.

Why are we such poor evangelists? Why do people think they are evangelizing when they simply shout Bible verses and slogans to people they assume to be unsaved? Preaching is the only model they ever see so they suppose that is the only model there is.

I wrote this on a comment in an earlier post: "After being in numerous discussions among Believers about "How best to evangelize" I am even more concerned about how we too often come across as a "pompous know it all". Have you ever seen a game of "biblical ping pong"? Where we engage in several mutually exclusive monologues consisting of out of context Bible verses that we think support our ill thought out point of view." I am in them a lot.

It struck me recently how we have failed to teach our Christians how to dialogue not just speak in monologues, slogans and Bible verses hurled like spears at another persons' ideas. I wrote a book on this topic called, "Listening for Heaven's Sake" and it has sold over 100,000 copies but I am not sure anyone knows how to apply its teachings very well. Lectures are not the best way to communicate and they rarely if ever lead to conversions. The publisher, Equipping Ministries International, has taken that book farther and currently teaches how listening is a means of evangelizing.

We at Sweeten Life Systems are going to redouble our efforts to train Mature Christians how to live daily with grace, mercy and positive influence. We need a good, easily accessed way to train Believers how to do more than intellectually assent to theology and apply God's truth to life. We call this, TIPS for Theology Into Practical Ministry. Theory into practice is required if we are to overcome the genuine barriers to personal ministry.

Stay tuned! If you are interested send me an email. gary@sweetenlife.com

Time With God

I wish I could attend but I am deeply involved in a thirty year reunion party that weekend. "What am I talking about," you ask? One of the famous and fabulous female weekend getaways with God hosted by Judy Haag and her merry band of God Searchers!

Here is the announcement:

What one women says about being at a "A Time of Refreshment" retreat.

There is something very special coming up on Saturday, October 3rd which I think you may want to look into if you have not signed up. I can tell you that when I have participated in
"A Time of Refreshment Retreat" that I have experienced some of the most significant intimacy with our Lord in my life. How can I describe it? Being in God's presence in His beautiful Creation. Slowing down, sitting still and experiencing His love for me personally. Worshipping Him. A day spa for my spirit. None of those phrases can capture it, I suggest you just try it yourself.

There is a time for everything...
But only 10 days left to Register NOW for the
Fall Time of Refreshment Retreat for Women!

You may send us an e-mail to reserve your time and place to be with God at the retreat!

Judy Haag
Spiritual Encouragers of Cincinnati
5091 South Ridge Drive
Cincinnati OH, 45224
513-853-2995
timeofrefreshment@gmail.com

The Day Terror Came to America

On the day of the attacks I was in Virginia Beach getting ready to speak to a group of Professors and Deans at Regent University. I was going to talk about the power of God's love, truth and power to bring healing.

I had been there for several days teaching at Kempsville Presbyterian Church for my friend Richard Kidd. (Who is now on the Sweeten Life Board.)I was staying with John and LaRose Allman, two of God's most faithful followers and wonderful Teleios Teachers. On 9/10 John took me to the Naval Base where he had served for years as a Commander. That base is the largest military base in the world. I saw flat tops,
subs, destroyers, battleships, etc. The might and fire power of that place was amazing.

Early the next morning they took me to CBN/Regent and Richard and I sat in the Dean's Office waiting for the time to teach. We heard a shout from his office and call to come in quickly and see what was happening. We rushed in a saw the results of the deadly, heinous attack.

We all soon went up to the class room and began to discuss Christian Counseling. Before too long, however, a student came in and said another plane had hit the other tower. The University was closed and we all went our ways in anxiety, fear and trepidation. What was happening? My flight home was cancelled and I was stuck in Virginia. I returned to the Allman home and we prayed.

It was obvious that might alone was not enough. If it were the Brits would have won and the Colonies would still be driving on the left side of the road. All that military might was useless. We needed a new way to wage war. New ways to prevent attacks. New ways to get information. The evil forces that led the attacks will stop at nothing. What should we do, we asked each other.

Missional Churches

Are you missional? Is your church missional? Do you know what being missional really means? I can't give a great meaning of missional but here is my understanding.

When I went to Africa in 1983 to attend a large conference for "Leaders of Leaders" I was able to see first hand the power of Revival. European Missionaries had gone to Africa and preached the good news and God answered their prayers and blessed their efforts. For sixty or so years there was great, Holy Spirit Revival in the East African Nations.

Over fifty million people came to know Christ as Savior. So many came to faith that buildings would not hold them and there were not nearly enough Pastors to teach them God's word and God's ways. Congregations met under trees and called people to worship with drums. I preached there and was truly blessed. they begged me to return and train leaders.

After spending two weeks in Kenya I returned to England where I stayed in a college house with students at Oxford. The church buildings were large, impressive and largely dead. I went from a lively, thriving and dynamic church to a church museum. The people who took the gospel to African had left a shell back home.

Several English Missionaries came back to England to retire and saw the same thing I saw. They immediately recognized that the churches in England needed to gear up to reach the English home front just as they had reached the English Commonwealth decades earlier. They began to speak and write about the need for church leaders to reach out with a missionary zeal to the unsaved at home. They needed to become, MISSIONAL.

This is also true of the churches in America. Reaching out to men and women, boys and girls with the good news is essential to our spiritual, mental and emotional health as well as the eternal life of Americans.

More people come to faith in Christ from the children and youth groups than from outside the church. We must not fail to preach to those in the membership and in our neighborhoods.

You Shall Receive Power at Brave Heart Blog

I spoke this morning at Lifegate Church in Northern Kentucky. They meet at 10:00 AM at the Scott County High School. Dennis Cole is Pastor and he along with wife Sheila are our West with the Navajo Indians with whom they have partnered for years. You can get my talk on a podcast if you want.

Over the last few months I have had a hunger to rekindle the fires of the Holy Spirit and get back to basics. I have known Dennis and his Father Desmond ever since the Jesus Movement in the early Seventies. their congregation has been on the cutting edge of the move of the Holy Spirit for four decades.

I spoke this morning on Acts 1:1-8 where Dr. Luke the Apostle writes to his friend Theopholis about the ministry of Jesus. Ends ends up with this very powerful comment. "You shall receive power when the Holy Spirit comes upon you and you shall be my witnesses in Jerusalem, Judea, Samaria and the far reaches of the world."

The Holy Spirit is s spirit of power! That is dunamis in Greek and dynamite in English. Why do we need so much power? To be witnesses.

The term Dr. Luke uses here shows that he meant more than talk for talk is cheap. No, he used the term martyrous or martyr. "You shall be my martyrs" and it takes God's power to die to self.

Die to self in Jerusalem so you can win the neighbors to Christ.
Die to self in Judea, the wilderness country so you can win the farmers, huntsmen and shepherds to Christ.
Die to self in Samaria so you can win the hated non-Jews there to Christ.
Die to self in the far reaches of the world so you can win the pagan idol worshippers to Christ.

Every attempt to share the good news is a cross cultural communication challenge and demands that we lay down our fleshly prejudices and bless the people in love, peace and joy.

Think it over. Take four Post-It Notes. Label one Jerusalem, one Judea, one Samaria and one World. In each square write the people God's Spirit places on your heart to pray for.

Pray about whom God would have you list and let me know what happens.

From Reality to Real Politics

It is easy to tell when a topic moves from being a focus on reality and becomes almost entirely political. For example, when I did my dissertation on integration of faith and soul care, the term "Evangelical" was clearly meant to describe a type of person who was deeply committed to Christ, the Bible and historic Christianity. Now it means a group of people who are trying to force their narrow views about life on the USA in defiance of the Constitution.

The same is true of "Pro Life". That term meant that a person believed that all human life was precious and created in God's image. Now it is used to mean that the person hates women and science.

Today I will focus on a view that has, until recently, dominated society, counseling and law. Everyone in authority agreed that homosexual behavior was abnormal and should not be encouraged. Additionally, the psychologists taught that it was an aberration that could through therapy, be healed and changed in many instances.

Today, any psychologist or counselor or lay person who says such things will be charged with "homophobia" and accosted as hating gay people. It is well known that a similar charge will not be made against a person who believes that depressives can be healed. I have counseled many depressed and anxious people as well as those who are fearful, angry or addicted but no one has accused me of hating the people I treat.

In those cases I am lauded as compassionate, empathic and concerned because I am responding helpfully to the requests of people who want out of painful situations.

I have also helped married couples stop fighting and adulterers trade adultery for better marital sex. I have shown parents how to stop yelling an start disciplining and they love it.

Because of my success I am asked to write, speak and consult. I am affirmed by many other counselors who want to learn from me. But when I mention that I have helped men and women stop their same sex attractions I am suddenly accosted as a mad man or evil charlatan.

What say you? Do you affirm counselors and peers who state that marriage was always intended for men and women? Can you support the Miss USA candidate who spoke up about her traditional views or do you think she is a homo-phobic that is spouting hate speech?

When A.A. leaders facilitate sobriety and community leaders put a stop to drugs do you see them as heroes or villains? If heroes then you will have to also applaud the courageous men and women at Exodus who have led thousands out of same sex temptations. Healing homosexuality is no more hateful or phobic than defeating depression or divrce.

Gary Sweeten

Love Thyself

An old friend from several years ago found my email address and sent me his as well as the address of his blogs. Dan Gilliam is an interesting man with sensitive spiritual insights and he writes them well.

Dan recently quoted Thomas Merton on his blog.

To live well myself is my first and essential contribution to the well-being of all mankind and to the fulfillment of man's collective destiny. If I do not live happily myself how can I help anyone else to be happy, or free, or wise? Yet to seek happiness is not to live happily. Perhaps it is more true to say that one finds happiness by not seeking it. The wisdom that teaches us deliberately to restrain our desire for happiness enables us to discover that we are already happy without realizing it.

Thomas Merton, Conjectures of a Guilty Bystander, p. 81

I like this quote and do not remember ever seeing it before. He is saying something about life and helping that I started glimpsing back in the late Seventies when we began a serious attempt at Equipping the saints to DO the works of the ministry. EPH 4:11

Over time we discovered that 75 to 85% of our student Helpers were really there to get personal healing. The embarrassment of asking for help themselves was too much to admit so they showed up to counsel other people.

We always tried to say that the most important thing was to know, understand and get along with our self. No matter how hard we tried the students ended up being frustrated with us because we failed to teach them how to "sock it to the people in need".

Let's face it. Most people are completely confused about the nature of Helping/Counseling/ and pastoral care. They think it is little more than preaching, teaching and advising people on a one-to-one basis. Whenever a fledgling Helper tells me what they are doing the story is nearly always about the story teller, the Helper not the Seeker. "I said to him, (blah, blah, blah.) But he wouldn't listen to me.

Many of us are secret control freaks. We enter the Helping process as professionals or volunteers with a hidden desire to tell people what to do. Maybe we try to lecture them on happiness but until we relinquish our desire for control to God we can't even tell ourselves how to be happy, let along another person.

Re-read that statement by Thomas Merton. It's pretty profound.

Gary Sweeten

Gary Sweeten in Denmark

For my friends who wish to pray for my upcoming trip to Norway and Denmark, here is the schedule.

Ja, her kommer en pdf fil som indeholder programmet.
Vi begynder mandag morgen i København og tirsdag morgen i Silkeborg.
Jeg er med begge steder.
Der er tolk på i København – jeg har ikke arrangeret noget i Silkeborg pt. Jeg regner ikke med du skal tolkes.
Gina vil gerne hjælpe med overnatning. Lige nu har jeg ikke besluttet hvordan vi kommer fra København til Jylland. Måske med aftentog. Så har vi tid til at sidde og snakke.
Jeg regner med du har kontakt med Gary i forbindelse med norgesarrangementet så du får noget på plads med rejseplanerne. Hvad forestiller du dig?

Mange hilsner

Peder Poulsen
Familierådgiver, cand. theol.
Midgaardsvej 4, DK 8920 Randers NV
Tlf/SMS 2043 6732
http://www.farmen.info/

Gary Sweeten

Bless Obama

Bless our Nation

Today is a great day for the USA. The people have spoken and elected a man who is half African and half European to be the President. It is a great honor for him and a testimony to the ability of Americans to go beyond the racism and fears of the past.

Every President is elected with dreams and expectations that are optimistic and even unrealistic. Mr. Obama inspires many to think that he can do miracles. This means that he needs our prayers even more than most new Presidents. He is a mortal and only God can do miracles.

The media have not helped Mr. Obama. Their chronic adoration and lack of any balanced reporting have raised expectations too high. Now every imperfect decision he makes can bring about despair from the "True Believers". The hatred of Mr. Bush leads them to idolize Mr. Obama and give him almost Messianic powers. Those with Bush Derangement Syndrome tend to use their hatred to divide not harmonize and Obama can quickly become their target.

I am praying for Mr. Obama to have wisdom, protection and spiritual insights that are way beyond his human frailties. The world is fallen, broken and violent and the election of man with African blood and a smooth voice will not cause wars to cease or old hatreds to completely wane. Let's give him a chance to succeed.

May God watch over him and his family and guide the decisions and actions of this young man and his team. I want the best for him and for our nation as well as the rest of the world. All humans carry the imago Dei and deserve our respect and encouragement. God commands that we pray for our leaders and offer them our loyal support whenever possible. I ask every Christian to pray often and intensely for Mr. Obama.

Gary Sweeten

http://www.sweetenlife.com/

Statistics the Speak Loudly

5% Increase in the U.S. suicide rate since 1999.
16% Increase in the U.S. suicide rate among those ages 40-64

The most distressed and hopeless among us are single, white mothers who do
not attend church. Would church attendance reduce suicide?

Do you know what to do to help a suicidal friend or family member?

Would you like to help?
Gary Sweeten
www.sweetenlife.com

What I Learned In Sunday School

A WATCH Prayer GatheringGary SweetenGuard your steps when you go to the house of God. Go near to listen rather than to offer the sacrifice of fools, who do not know that they do wrong. Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God.

God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few. As a dream comes when there are many cares, so the speech of a fool when there are many words. Much dreaming and many words are meaningless. Therefore stand in awe of God. Ecc 5: 1-5All around the world you can see them. Even more, you can hear them. Kneeling, sitting or standing it is a movement. Many of them dance, some march in military order while others are less orderly and more ardor-ly. The noise can be awesome and when meeting with upraised hands and outstretched voices, the buildings shake with joy.

Martian visitors would react with puzzlement to the strange behavior. They might even "beam a bunch up" for intense investigation by their Martian scientists. The "little green men" would want to know what the strange rituals were all about.Prayer! It is all about prayer. Last week a friend mentioned that she had spent four days with a thousand like-minded men and women. They gathered to practice prayers of "spiritual warfare". Another group is heading out to Colorado for a week to of fasting and prayer to light the sparks for a national revival.

Prayer. It is everywhere. It is taught, preached, urged and even practiced around the earth with increasing regularity. There is a growing desire of the people of God to pray. This is especially evident when we consider the enormous number of "Prayer Movements" that have arisen over the past few years.

Many groups sponsor prayer events. Concerts of Prayer, Taking Our Cities for Christ, National Day of Prayer, The March for Jesus, Bill Bright's Prayer and Fasting, Renewal Ministries-Terry Teykl, Lausanne Movement, AD2000 & Beyond, etc. These initiatives are all based on the assumption that God desires His people to pray and that prayer "changes things." In conversations, teachings, seminars and conferences we are reminded that revival, renewal and reformations will. Unfortunately, it seems that we sometimes sacrifice the quality of prayer gatherings while emphasizing quantity. I am not convinced that "more is better". When it comes to prayer for evangelism, revival, social action and awakenings it seems that quality is critical while keeping the quantity of prayer and the number of pray-errs high. I was reared in a family that had a long tradition of prayer. Unfortunately, some of the things I saw and mimicked were not very qualitative. For example, I pray like this.

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep.If I should die before I wake,
I pray the Lord my soul to take.

Despite the earnest and heartfelt desire of my parents and grandparents to teach my brothers and me good prayer habits, this childhood prayer failed. It brought me fear and anxiety rather than peace and faith. Each night I went to bed thinking that I might not wake up. My primary focus was eternal safety in an uncertain and dangerous world.

My earliest prayer habits were formed in fear not faith and reinforced as being desperate calls to a distant God. I begged Him to receive my unworthy soul in the event that I failed to survive the rigors of sleep. No wonder so many children have nightmares! But I have a partial solution. Here is a prayer we can trust.

A New Prayer for Sleeping

Now I lay me down to sleep
I thank the Lord my soul will keep.

No fear of night,
He will provide
His angels near,
My sleeping side

At morning's dawn,
I will awake,
To live again
For Jesus' sake

He gives me strength,The whole night rest,
Enough each day
To give my best
© Gary Sweeten
Early childhood experiences do not predetermine our life's course. I have been able to go beyond my youth and develop a healthy approach to God. I reframed the fearful prayer written during the Black Plague and wrote one filled with faith, hope and love. But early experiences do influence us and our children. It is a good idea to examine how we pray as adults so we can evaluate our approach to check its biblical basis.

Comments? How did you learn to pray?