How to Get Depressed (Or Anxious)

Research by Dr. Martin Seligman and many others indicates that Depression and Anxiety are on the rise around the western world. That seems strange because we in the west are better off materially than any other nation at any time in history. As one wag said, "We don't know what will make us happy. We tried poverty and we are trying wealth and both have failed."

But we have some ideas about what makes us unhappy, and it starts with an inability to respond with resiliency to Adversity. That is why I have developed a way to battle depression and anxiety by renewing the mind. But first I need to show you the process of becoming or staying moody. After all, it is your choice.)

Here is my acrostic to assess our stinking thinking. APART

Adversity = Pessimism (I Perceive that I am a Problem that is Pervasive and Permanent and I should be Perfect!) = Angry = Ruminate = Total Thinking

Today, children, we look at Ruminate. Susan had a fight with her husband Bert this morning. She arose early in the morning and fixed a warm breakfast for Bert but he hurried off to a meeting without eating. Susan was hurt, angry and disappointed. She began to say to herself, "I have a problem. I am a lousy wife and my husband does not love me even enough to eat the food I cooked. I must be a terrible cook and hard to live with or he would not treat me so badly.

During the day Susan repeated those Pessimistic thoughts to herself and to her best friend Joan numerous times. She Ruminated about Bert, the food, her poor cooking skills and his lack of love for her until she had to leave work early with a terrible headache.

When Bert came home he was feeling good. He got to the meeting early and caught his boss before anyone else so he could tell him about the great insight he had for making a big sale. The boss loved the idea and promised Bert a bonus.

As he burst though the door, he was met by a sobbing wife who angrily attacked him for being so cruel to her. She alternated between anger, despair and tears while Bert looked on in amazement. He completely forgot the good news and his intention to take Susan out for dinner as she poured out her grief and pain. (She added several times that Joan also thought he was a mean man as did her mother and sister.)

Bert disappeared into the basement workshop and called Pete who agreed that "We will never understand women so don't even try."

Susan reacted with Pessimistic Anger and Rumination to her husband's poor communication and lack of social skills. She "Jumped to the Conclusion" that it was her Problems as a wife and his Problem as an uncaring husband. In reality it was Bert's anxiety about catching his boss in time to share a key idea for a sale that caused the miscommunication.

While Bert was at work Ruminating about his success as a salesman Susan was Ruminating about her failure as a person, a wife, cook and lover as well as Bert's intentional disrespect for her. None of these things were true. Nada! Zip! Zero facts in her Ruminating but they made her crazy and sorely disturbed Bert and her family and friends.

Our Perceptions are real to us but may not be factual, true or reasonable. When we Ruminate about Pessimistic mis-perceptions it always leads to sadness, misery, anxiety and conflict.