Ever since Adam blamed Eve for leading him astray and their elder son killed the younger there has been emotional and relational mismanagement in the world. So much of it comes down to holding bitterness and resentment in our heart toward the people we love most.
Some will react to that comment by saying, "If people really love each other they will not have conflict. I once heard Oral Roberts say that he and his lovely wife Evelyn had never had a fight since they were married. That is hard to believe. Conflict arises over differences and no two people could be more different than a man and a woman.
I think that many Christian couples actually have deeper conflict with each other because they think as believers that they should not fight. Fighting is not the problem but fighting unfairly is the problem. I meet many couples who get into a disagreement but cannot really come to a conclusion about how to compromise. One has to give in to the other. He or she says, "Because I love you I will sacrifice my ideas and allow you to have your way."
Now that sounds good but in reality the one who "sacrificed" cannot forget or forgive and carries the hurt/anger/resentment for weeks, months or perhaps even years. Hebrews 12 says, Take care lest any of you fails to obtain the grace of God and a root of bitterness springs up and many are defiled."
Without genuine forgiveness and grace the heart holds the old wounds and they fester as resentment and deep bitterness eat us alive. That bitterness arises anytime that an argument breaks out and the old history becomes a history lesson with warfare and bombing thrown in.
The answer is confession and forgiveness. More on that later.
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