The Gold Rule

We all know the Golden Rule as set forth by Jesus. It says, "Do to others what you want done to you." This is a very good thing to guide us. However do you know the "Gold Rule?" It comes out of the Golden Rule and establishes authority and structures that are best for our kids. Here it is: Those with the Gold make the rules.

Mom and Dad have the gold; Mom and dad make the rules. Mom and Dad know what is best. Mom and Dad have responsibility to set the rules that are best for the family.

Bill and Melinda Gates have two children. They are wealthy computer geeks who could buy almost anything for their kids. However, they also seem to have a lot of common sense. The following story tells how they are doing that which is best for the children.

The Microsoft founder said his 10-year-old daughter, his oldest child, was not a hard-core Internet and computer user until this year, when she started at a school where the students use tablet computers for almost everything.

"She became very avid and discovered a lot of computer games, including one that runs on the
Xbox' 360 called Viva Pinata, where you take care of your garden," he told a business audience in Ottawa. "She could spend two or three hours a day on this Viva Pinata, because it's kind of engaging and fun."

Gates said he and his wife Melinda decided to set a limit of 45 minutes a day of total screen time for games and an hour a day on weekends, plus what time she needs for homework.

Microsoft's new Vista software enables parents to control the Web sites their kids go to but also includes an audit log that records sites they have visited and whom they've been Instant Messaging.

"Up to some age, to be determined, it's very appropriate for a parent to get a sense of what they're seeing out there and be able to have conversations about it," he said. "My son said, 'Am I going to have limits like this my whole life?', and I said, 'No, when you move away you can set your own screen limits'," Gates recounted, to audience laughter.

This is very encouraging to me as a family therapist for I see far too many parents who cannot set limits for their kids. The kids rule the roost and tell mom and dad what to do. That is a rule for chaos. Parents need to be adults and stop being afraid of kids. Make a decision.

One couple sold their house and when they told their adult son about it he was stunned. "Do you mean I can't live here any more?, he asked. "Well," Karen said, "it's OK with us if the new owners don't mind." Take a stand. Decide what is best and let the kids know it. They won't break with honesty.