Back to Basics

In this series of posts I am revealing the secrets of a healthy Christian life. I have chosen to do it through discussing the importance of looking at important principles rather than give advice about how to intervene in specific problems.

Down in Singapore one year Steve Griebling and I were doing a seminar on rearing teens. One of the parents asked whether or not she should buy her daughter a new cell phone with unlimited minutes. We attempted to help her reason through how she was relating with her daughter and what habit patterns the two had developed over time. In other words, buying a cell phone could be good or bad according to the situation.

But the mom insisted that we should offer our "expert" advice about this very specific action even though we did not know the mom, her daughter or their financial situation. It was as though we should be "Psychic Mind Readers" instead of men who speak from biblical wisdom.

I have written several books that people from all walks of life find very helpful in preventing problems and solving them once they have begun. One is Listening for Heaven's Sake and it contains basic skills that are absolutely crucial to a great marriage, great parenting, great managing, great counseling, great pastoring, great ministering and great romance.

We would sell many more books if we called it, Marital Crises and the End of the World but that would be a sham. One time I suggested that a client who had a conflict with his wife and daughter read Listening for Heaven's Sake as a way of improving the relationships. He came back to me and complained that, "That book did not say anything about listening to my wife. I just talked about listening to anybody." (I assume that his wife was somebody!)

Learning to listen is like learning to shoot a basketball. The first practices do not involve anyone guarding the player. This kind of practice is designed to help new players learn the basic skills and principles. Later we include practice with a guard to let them build confidence. Only after they had mastered the easy techniques would we place the shooter in a real game situation.

Everyone, even professional NBA players, must practice the basics every week or they lose their skill level. Listening is absolutely critical to success in life. Once the skills are perfected we can apply them in any situation and with any person.

Everyone needs to be heard so everyone loves a listener. If all we learn is how to give advice for specific problems we are little more than Dear Abby or Ann Landers with a few cookie cutter ideas. However, when we learn the basics we can help people learn for themselves how to solve life's problems.

A short time ago I met an old friend at a meeting. She spend several minutes relating how she used my Listening book as a training tool for couples in premarital and marital enrichment. I was happy to listen to her excitement about a book that grew out of my doctoral dissertation.

Call me if you want to buy some Listening books or take the class. It is foundational to life.