Problems Centered Focus

If I were centered on problems instead of principles and solutions I would have to become an expert on specific problems rather than a few basic principles that are at the root of most problems. For example, when I go in for my semi-annual heart check up the nurses and docs always check the same things. I get a complete blood work up, they weigh me, take my blood pressure and heart rate. Even though they have done this a 100 times I must go through the routine drill each and every time I return.

This was true when I went in last month because my legs are bothering me. They checked my weight, pulse and blood pressure because they are basic to everything else. If my wife goes to the doctor or my grand daughter it is the same. They check the same vital signs for men, women and children.

Counseling is similar. I check the vital signs for old men, young men, women, children and babies. I know the basic issues to assess regardless of age, size and gender. So, if I talk with a women who is addicted I check her vital signs. I check the same vital signs of a man, a teenager or an octogenarian. I check the same vital signs if the addictive substance is food, alcohol, candy, work, information, computers or sex. I do not have to design a different preventive strategy for men than women.

For example, both in the Bible and psychology unforgiveness is a basic cause of bitterness and bitterness causes mis communication and an inability to live together. This can lead to the temptation to watch pornography which is visual adultery. It may not be long before such behavior leads to a divorce so statistics show that porn and adultery often lead to divorce.

At conferences and seminars I am often asked how to prevent divorce from pornography and adultery I may start asking about communication and anger. Many writers and speakers focus too much on the porn and not enough on the root of bitterness. Porn and adultery are usually the fruit of the root not the root of the fruit.

My coaching and consulting practice is now restricted to pastors, elders, churches and other leaders who are involved in influencing others. so, I am often talking with guilt ridden, shame faced leaders who are watching pornography on their computers. They have usually been caught by a wife or church board and face ruin, embarrassment and financial disaster.

One such minister remembered starting his porn career at age 12 behind the barn smoking and masturbating as a way of rebelling against his mother's smothering over protection. His anger was never released healthily so he continued the cycle of anger, masturbation and guilt/shame for thirty years until he heard me speak about the roots and fruits. The root issue was a nagging mother and a son who refused to forgive her. Pornography is almost always rooted in a broken relationship between a man and a woman.

You will notice that A.A. says very little about alcohol in its healing and prevention processes. The focus is on healing the insides not restricting the outer temptations. The hymn, "It Is Well With My Soul" places the emphasis on what is important. By caring for and curing the soul our temptation to watch porn, drink too much or do dope will be diminished.

By showing Christians how to live full, loving and Spirit-filled lives we can overcome the world, the flesh and the devil.

Prevention is, therefore, rooted in training people how to forgive. It is also rooted in teaching women how to upbuild men rather than tear them down. Emasculating womenand bitter men cause more porn watching than online porn sites.