My Reading List

I read a lot. It is, what one of my mentors called, "Part of my addiction to knowledge." So, how am I treating that addiction? I am reading that very same mentor's newest and last book. Edwin Friedman was a Rabbi at a congregation in Bethesda, Maryland for over 30 years. He was also a Bowen Family Theorist and Teacher who specialized in teaching clergy and religious leaders about a new way of thinking about family life.

Ron Rand and I had the pleasure of attending his seminar/workshop in Bethesda for one academic year. It was stimulating, exciting and insightful as well as a challenging new way to think about counseling and leadership. His 1985 book, Generation to Generation, was a best selling effort about teaching congregational leaders how to lead. It is one of the most difficult books I ever tackled.

It is not difficult because of the big words or obscure concepts. It is difficult because of the new paradigm he offers. That paradigm is so counter to what we usually consider rational and reasonable that reading it requires one to read and re-read paragraphs two to three times. This new book is,I think, easier to read and to understand. He calls it, A Failure of Nerve" and lays out rather simply and clearly his thesis about leadership.

Ed passed away in 1996 and left the manuscript undone but his widow and children made sure it was brought to completion. I am thankful for Dr. Friedman's approach, insights and wisdom have all been foundational to my approach to teaching, leading and consulting.

We desperately need men and women with courage. They are needed in family life, churches, media, city halls, the military, education, psychology and politics. We need people who can take a stand for things not just rail excitedly against things.

We need peaceful leaders with courage. Men and women who can quietly tell the truth and speak boldly for American life and democracy.

As I look back on my life of failures and successes I can clearly remember when I took stands for doing the right things and when I gave in to get along. There have been times when I refused to let a person go from my ministry of company because they "needed my help" only to find they sabotaged me later.

Weak leadership sabotages the good of the organization to enable the sickness or inability of a link in the chain. And, when the chain breaks, the enabler and the whole organization is harmed.

Weak fathers allow dysfunctional kids or hysterical wives rule the roost and cause harm for generations. Weak mothers allow dysfunctional children and absent husbands to sabotage the family and cause harm for generations.

I love reading Ed's pithy, Jewish wit so I can again hear his wry voice filled with satire to jerk me back from another weak reaction to an anxious system.

Get A Failure of Nerve at www.Amazon.com