Leaders and Tough Love

A recent post from an online discussion group recently included some insights from Rev. Bob Vincent of Louisiana, a man whom I respect a great deal. He is smart, wise and open to learn. He noted that because of going through a Doctor of Ministry program at Reformed Seminary in Jackson, MS, Bob was learning more about himself and his weaknesses as a Pastor/Leader. His sermon file can be found at http://www.sermonaudio.com/sermoninfo.asp?SID=340716125

Here is my response to Bob.

Thanks for your personal insights and the humility to admit past failures. I have been a church consultant for many years with a doctoral minor in Organizational Development. I also consult/coach business leaders.

My son is an international consultant and we were discussing the major issues we see in organizations with a Christian focus or strictly bottom line financial focus. I asked Timothy this question: “After five years of consulting around the USA and England what do you see as the top five problems?”

Tim replied, “I can sum it up in one sentence. ‘Nobody wants to give or receive feedback or accountability.’ This means that problems are not raised and failures are not fixed so the same problems go on and on for generations.”

As a Church Doctor I, like timothy, also see so much “Co-Dependency” and “People Pleasing” among leaders or the opposite, harshness, that no one actually grows as a follower or as a leader. I think this is the main reason so much of church life is talk not walk and the primary source of honor comes from theory/theology not practice. This is also true in professional counseling, management, politics, etc. What we say is more important than what we do. This is why many of us are bold as lions when we talk but meek as little lambs or mean as snakes in person.

At CHPC I had the responsibility of confronting several lay leaders whose Fruit of the Spirit in interpersonal skills were sub par but who were revered for their biblical knowledge. When I required them to take classes in listening, pastoral care, conflict management, etc they left us for greener pastures. I thankfully gave them the Rabbi’s Blessing from Fiddler on the Roof.

Man: “Rabbi, do you have a blessing for the Tsar?”

Rabbi” “Let’s see. Hmm. Oh, yes. May the Lord bless and keep-------the Tsar far, far away from Annetevka.”

If we fear losing a person because of truth telling we shall lose our souls as leaders.
Shalom,

Gary Sweeten